Jamie Caranto
ENG 100
Section 024
9/8/09
Geo-bio
Ever since we first moved into our house at the age of four, I have had a strange
relationship with our backyard. Strange meaning that I was not captured by its wide area space
nor affixed by the lively greenery that grew in various places, but instead its changeability and a
personal battle between good and evil.
When we first moved in, the backyard was the furthest definition of a backyard. There
were no plants in existence and the areas that should have been filled with grass were coated
with Hawaii’s lovely red soil. My parents bought rugs of sod lawn and bags of fresh top soil just
to obtain a single nice plot of grass. In order to create their “backyard masterpiece” they also
added the most unusual plant combinations like banana and papaya trees, aloe vera, white and
pink orchids, an assorted number of colored roses, some ti leaf plants, and even a marungay tree.
I never understood why these specific plants were chosen in the first place, but my parents
seemed to think they were a beautiful grouping and cared for them all the same. My mom
attained pots to put them in and my dad built wooden shelves to show them off. A cement
pathway and small hardware-holding shed were later inserted to give a homier feel perhaps.
Frankly, my interest in the backyard did not begin with my parents’ odd arrangement of
vegetation. I never thought of their beauty and uniqueness whilst in their presence. I am not
saying that I was not relaxed and comforted but that I was actually bored of their perfection and
color. Like any small child, however, I viewed it as my playground. My imagination
transformed it into a forest, another universe, or just myself on a lonely piece of land. My older
sister hated the backyard. She did not like the mud or the insects or just being outside. She had
some cleanliness issues at the time. I was my own superhero in my own personal land.
My grandpa used to live with us when I was young. Like my parents, he also spent a
great deal of time trying to improve our backyard’s appearance by helping my dad assemble
those white wooden shelves and meticulously forcing weeds out of the ground. My grandpa
used to be an architect and was fairly capable of construction, so one day he decided to create a
swing to add to the backyard. This was not simply a swing found in parks where children would
sit in seats and adults would idly push them. This was not even a porch swing. This was a glider
swing, which looks like two porch swings facing each other held together by a frame and
platform in order to sway back and forth. I loved this swing. It always made passengers a hint
of flight and dizziness, just like a roller coaster. I used to pretend that I was on a rocket ship –
since I wanted to become an astronaut at that age – and I had just arrived on a planet with bizarre
plant life. I spent a lot of time on that swing. Sometimes I just sat there while doing homework
and playing with my old dog, Casey. At parties or when my family came over, my sister, my
cousins, and I held a contest on who kept standing the longest while the swing was in motion. I
liked to believe that since I hung around the swing the most I would win most of the time,
however, I usually lost due to my lack of hand-eye coordination as it was a test of balance.
Comment [JH1]: Can you come up with a
title that both summarizes the point of your
composition and piques a reader's interest?
Comment [JH2]: Revise to: "when I was
four."
Comment [JH3]: When you call explicit
attention to a word, put quotation marks
around it.
Comment [JH4]: Word Choice: captured?
Comment [JH5]: G: insert "by" before
"its" to make this clause parallel with the
previous one introduced by "by."
Comment [JH6]: Reword to "thing from"
Comment [JH7]: Nice job of setting up
your depiction of this "place."
Comment [JH8]: Tweak these sentences
slightly so that your older sister's
interpretation doesn't "interrupt" yours. I
think you can do that by just a few words.
Insert "however" after "sister," then
substitute a semicolon for the period after
"time." Then put "She had some cleanliness
issues" in parentheses and voila! You've used
punctuation deftly to not interrupt.
Comment [JH9]: I really like this
paragraph for the way in which it contrasts
your parents' sense of "making" a place in a
specific way with your own interpretation of it
at that age.
Comment [JH10]: Nice description! I can
picture it.
Comment [JH11]: Word choice: "gave?"
Comment [JH12]: After Aloha's
presentation, you'll be able to confidently
change this comma to a semicolon.
