Comments:
● Obviously, you have additional commentary to come per your remarks in Red.
Regarding sources, mention the range of places that you will visit (libraries,
Google Scholar, TED, any academic virtual or physical libraries etc)
● In your first sentence in the second section you write 'Initially within this
project I will be using predominantly secondary sources....' 'Initially' implies
that you will be doing something different later - do you mean that.
'Predominantly' means not only - do you mean that?
● In the next sentence you go on to refer to an opposing document (you may
mean opposing argument?). But that suggests a different question. That
suggests a question about whether immune-mediated processes are the
principle reason for diagnostic delays (rather than 'just' how they contribute to
delay). NB I think that this is a question-tweak that is worth considering. It is
a more usual format for an EPQ hypothesis
● You refer to the USA, but you have moved on. You need to capture your
rationale for changing to Italy (which demonstrates very sound EPQ project
management). I recommend that you should explain the change in this
section
● In the final para in the second section, in the first sentence, you state that
'prospective cohort studies' will be 'implemented' in your research.
Implemented suggests new studies that you will be undertaking personally. I
suspect that you don't mean that
● In the final section (Courses of Study....):
● Very good to mention your other writing, but state very clearly that your
EPQ is a completely new topic area for you
● In the final section about women's health being blindsided I wouldn't
refer to a single friend but more generally to 'other students and friends
in the medical profession'. Also, is it worth stating your opinion as a
hypothesis rather that a fact?
Hope that helps
I am really enjoying supervising your work.
Kind regards
