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Vierra
—a short story—
Growing up, I've never experienced how it felt to be loved by many people— mainly because of my family. I don't hate them, I just wish they would change. If things went differently back then, could the way things are now become better? My name is Vierra Maureen Camero. "Vie" for short. I grew up in a wealthy family, so I admit that I was privileged growing up. I have two older brothers and one younger sister. My parents are both high-ranked doctors, which means the pressure for us siblings to do well in the same field is inevitable. I never took interest in their line of work, because my dreams differ from theirs. My parents want all their children to become like them— which is foolish, because there's no guarantee each one of us could do well in their field of work. By that, mainly me. My first older brother, Kendrick, is already a doctor. I saw how proud my parents were of him, and I also saw how he set the bar high for us younger siblings. It was either become like Kuya Kendrick or at least try to be the same level as him. We never got close as siblings, he was too busy attending to his job, and even in his free time, he never showed any affection towards me. Kuya Kendrick would engage in small talks every once in a while, but the topics felt stern and strict like he was always in a rush to lecture me. Also, those small talks rarely happen. My second brother, Ashton, is in his fourth year of medical college. Everyone is expecting him to follow the same path as Kuya Kendrick— so if he suddenly chose a different career, it'd be a huge disappointment to them. Even though his attitude is cocky and arrogant, I understood that it must be because of the pressure he was facing to become like his elders. Which is hard, because I overheard him sharing one time that he wanted to have a career in the entertainment industry. Unlike Kuya Kendrick, he acknowledges my existence, just not in a loving manner. After an accident that happened years ago involving one of our siblings, his treatment of me was never the same. He's still my brother, but like everyone else in my family, there was a line between us that neither of us would ever cross. Lastly, my younger sister, Anastasia. She is currently in her fourth year of high school and is interested in becoming a neurosurgeon. My parents and older siblings adore her, and I understood why. Her personality is bubbly and sweet. She radiated warmth wherever she went. In other words, she was perfect. I would be lying if I said I didn't envy any of her traits. Anastasia is just such a likable person in other people's eyes, yet… for me it was different. Not the way I like her, but the way she likes me. I might have made stupid decisions causing me to appear like a complete airhead, but I'm not naive. I could tell there was something off about us, even if she didn't say anything. Anyway, I think it's time I tell a little bit more about myself. I'm also in my fourth year of high school and I'm studying to become a professional artist once I hit college. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but in a family full of doctors and soon-to-be doctors plus a country that doesn't have much to offer to those who dream of becoming an artist— it is a big deal.
Despite my family's obvious disappointment in me, it just felt right. Doing art and showing my creations ease my pain and give me comfort in the best way possible. With the time I have left, I choose to live a life full of risky decisions and live the way I want. I admit, it pretty much hurts to hear other people disappointed in me, but I'd rather commit than lose the chance to be happy about something. — Today is my younger sister's birthday and as usual, the venue was grand and elegant, just like her. Anastasia completely had everyone swooning over her as she greeted the guests while wearing the million pesos gown Dad specially got designed for her. My two older brothers were also in their best suits, looking tidy and cool as ever. They rarely have time, but they luckily reserved some for their princess. As for me, well, I'm just there. I'm not a party pooper or anything, I wore a fine gown. I just felt a bit out of place. Maybe because no one is talking to me. My only close relative, Airah, wasn't there. My cousin had an important business to attend so she wasn't able to come. What a shame. A waiter came in front of me and held a tray of red wine in his hand, so I took one. Ang tapang naman nito. I thought while taking a sip. Watching the lively crowd of other wealthy people enjoying themselves at the grandeur party just made me feel even more lonely despite this supposedly joyous day. But I kept to myself because this was my sister's special moment. Sick of staying in one spot, I walked towards my sister who was talking to her friends, and greeted her. "Happy birthday ulit, my little sis." I smiled. Anastasia was caught off guard but still managed to smile. "Thank you, sis." Not long after our small exchange, I felt Kuya Ashton's presence. It might sound weird, but for some reason, I've always been able to tell. Maybe the fact that he's been staring at me since earlier might've played into my intuition, though I guess it didn't matter. I gave my little sister one last smile before walking away. There used to be a time in my life when our bond was strong— now, everything has changed. Her sweet smile was indifferent, but not the same. It was painfully obvious. Watching everyone else be treated with no change… well, it hurts a bit. I'm currently on the way upstairs, where no one else is. Since the venue is our house, I knew places I could hide myself in whenever I felt like it. It's not like I hated the lively crowd— I just didn't want to see my relatives' distaste for my presence. It never made sense to me how they cared so much about my personal life. Yeah, they're relatives, but it's not like they're the ones who raised and fed me. The same thoughts occurred over and over again while I made my way to the balcony at the end of the hallway upstairs. Consuming fresh air sounded nice. Finally arriving, I was greeted by a mysterious figure looking over the balcony and watching our garden. Feeling my presence, the figure turned around and revealed herself as my older brother Ashton's girlfriend, Sylvia. Her beauty was no joke— when she turned around, I felt my heart skip a beat. Like literally.
"Can't at least try? Your family is full of people who are in the medical field— you could heal quicker." I sighed deeply. "Just keep quiet about it. It's my last request." She raised her brow. "Last request? What do you mean?" "I only have a short amount of time left. Even if I say anything… walang magbabago. Malala na sakit ko ate, so please just let me." I pleaded. She shook her head. "They should at least know…" "I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to think of anyone else's guilt. And lastly, I think it's only right. Kasalanan ko kung bakit namatay si Eunice, and my family's difference in the way they act towards me is enough." I want to be free from guilt and hatred. "I'm sorry, Vie… but I don't know how long I'd be able to keep quiet. This is a very serious matter and I don't think I'll—" "It's fine, ate. Just don't tell anyone now." "But I'm curious… bakit ayaw mo sabihin?" She asked. I understand her confusion. Ate Sylvia and Kuya Aston only started dating each other two months ago, so she's new here. My parents liked her, mainly because her father is an executive shareholder in the hospital they work at. Ever since she came, things have been different. Well, things always are, but it did this time. "Malalaman mo rin." My answer was short because I didn't feel like spending 30 minutes explaining. We continued the silence from before, except this time, the atmosphere was different. It kind of sucked for me, because I liked how things were before. Change has always scared me. A few minutes later, we heard the balcony door open. It was my mom who greeted us. Since Sylvia was there, she spoke calmly. "Hindi pa ba kayo pupunta sa baba, mga iha? Come quick, the main event is starting." Sylvia smiled and walked towards Mom. "Sige po, Tita. I apologize for being up here for so long." "It's fine." Mom smiled back. Sylvia had already left and entered inside. Before I could follow her, Mom grabbed my wrist to pull me aside. I looked at her confusedly and I could tell the annoyance she felt by her gaze. "Pasalamat ka and'yan si Sylvia. Jusko, Vierra! Alam mo naman na special day 'to ng kapatid mo, pero bakit andito ka? Andaming naghahanap sa'yo!" "Huh?" I didn't believe her. Who would waste their time on the Camero Family's black sheep? "Ayusin mo ang tono ng pag-sagot mo sa'kin! 'Wag mo na ito uulitin at napapahiya na kami sa mga pinaggagawa mo." Mom fumed. "Nagpahangin lang ako, ma. Alam ko naman na galit pa din kayo sa'kin kasi pinili ko i-pursue yung pangarap ko, pero ang unfair naman! Am I not allowed to make my own decisions? Nakaka—" I was cut off with my mother's slap. "Hinayaan ka na namin na gawin ang kung ano-anong gusto mo for way too long. Nakakalimutan mo na ata na kami ang bumuhay at nag-aruga sa'yo, huh? Maliit na bagay na nga yung hinihiling namin sa'yo, pero ano na? Dinaig ka pa ni Anastasia!" I looked at her in disbelief. Since our balcony was huge, no one would be able to see what she just did to me.
Maliit na bagay? Ridiculous. If it was easy for her to become a doctor, then good for her. I guess she never saw the hardships my siblings and I faced during the lectures and training she forced us to attend. "Bilisan mo, at itigil mo 'yang kakasimangot! Hinihintay ka na." She said before storming off. I took another deep sigh before following her. This is one of the reasons why I chose to keep things to myself. I know they'll get angry and disappointed in me, and I don't want that to happen again. When I arrived downstairs, I felt everyone's gaze towards me. It's not like I have social anxiety, but it made me nervous for some reason. I headed to the living room, where my brothers and sister were. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. Until I came. Anastasia smiled at me, even though it looked forced. Meanwhile, Kuya Ashton just glared. For Kuya Kendrick? Well, he acted like I was never there. "Took you long enough." Kuya Ashton scoffed. I looked around for Sylvia, but she was nowhere to be seen. I sat on the couch far away from them. The three of them sat together, like actual siblings. Kuya Kendrick was laughing at whatever Anastasia was telling him, and for a second, I felt jealous. I've never seen Kuya Kendrick laugh at me, or even smile. I tried to appear unbothered and drank another wine. But, it was hard to act like you didn't care when your siblings were bonding in front of you while you sat like a mannequin with no one to talk to. Kuya Ashton stood up and left, he said he'd be looking for Sylvia. Kuya Kendrick and Anastasia kept talking to each other, paying no attention to me. I didn't bother listening to their conversation, I knew I'd just feel out of place. Guests would arrive every once in a while, so I was forced to greet them alongside my siblings. It kind of amazed me how Kuya Kendrick could act like I never existed, even when we were a few inches away from each other. I could almost laugh, but the hurt I felt was bigger. Maybe he's uninterested because all he wants to talk about is business-related stuff. He's almost like our dad at this point. Not long after, our parents arrived with Ashton, Sylvia, and other guests. The talk me and Sylvia had earlier must've gotten us closer. Even though our sofa was huge , she sat beside me while everyone else sat beside Kuya Kendrick and Anastasia. I could tell the dismay Kuya Ashton felt, but he still sat close to me due to his girlfriend. "Hi." Sylvia smiled at me. Out of everyone, she was the only one who minded me. "Hello." I smiled back. Mom suddenly brought a cameraman over and forced us to 'huddle'. I was sandwiched between Sylvia and Anastasia, who was now beside me for the picture. "Wait, dapat sa gitna ang prinsesa natin." Dad said and everyone else agreed. Anastasia followed and posed with elegance. Now, Kuya Kendrick was beside me. Awkward. awkward. awkward. awkward. awkward. The word kept replaying in my head. Kuya Kendrick was tall, like 6'2 in height. I felt him looking at me, specifically my hair. Or should I say, wig? Has he noticed? He must've been weirded out. Luckily, Sylvia kept me close.
Though, I'd be happy for any kind of acceptance from my family. But someone like me could only dream. After taking my meds, my mind shifted to another place and time. I suddenly remembered a conversation I had with Airah when I was going through one of the lowest points in my life, right before I found out about my leukemia. " Hindi ko maintindihan. Hindi ko naman alam na mamatay si Eunice dahil sa'kin noon. Kung alam ko lang na mamatay siya dahil dun… I would've… stopped her. Pero mommy and daddy hate me now. Tapos Kuya Kendrick and Kuya Ashton also seem to be the same." I cried. Naive and young me always blamed herself, because that's what everyone else told me to believe in. That it was my fault for being clueless. " Vierra, hindi mo kasalanan yung nangyari sa kapatid mo, okay? Don't blame yourself … alam mo sa sarili mo na hindi ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit yun nangyari. You were still young back then, and how were you supposed to know/" Airah whispered. "Whenever you'd give them all the love left in you because they're your family and allow them to hurt you, it bothers me. They never even thought about the trauma of watching Eunice drown would give you." Airah, despite being the same age as me has been my ate. During the times my older siblings weren't there for me, she was there. When everyone else looked at me with a scowling gaze, Airah was the one who comforted me with her honey-like voice. If not for her, I would have let guilt completely swallow me. Though I might've already done so, considering how I just accepted my fate— that I will die soon due to my condition. " You require the power to set yourself free, Vierra. I wish you knew that. Ayoko na makitang sinisisi mo ang sarili mo kahit wala ka namang alam sa mangyayari. One day they’ll realize their wrong doings. " She was right. I did require the power to set myself free from the shackles my past has kept me from continuing. But I never did, because I couldn't. Maybe the only thing I've done to stand up for myself was pursue art instead of working in the medical field. Until now, my parents resent me for it. Wala na ba talaga akong magagawa para maging proud kayo sa'kin? I could only sigh at myself. I've started accepting the fact that I'll never experience the joy of having your family proud of you. Thinking of the validation I never got to experience hurt, especially when I see my other siblings experience it. But I never felt regret for choosing to follow my path. At least I did something I felt comfortable with, despite everything else. — Lost in my thoughts, I've completely lost track of time. I was woken up to reality when I heard somebody knock on my door. I quickly hid my medicine back in the cabinet before opening it. I was greeted by Kuya Kendrick. His appearance made me so surprised I almost fell back. I must've weirded him out because he raised a brow at me. "Dad wants to talk to you." No emotion was to be found in his tone. For some reason, he scared me. Can you blame me? He just looks so intimidating, like one of those strict CEOs I used to watch in dramas. "Okay," I replied flatly. Well, there's no point in looking interested. He's Kuya Kendrick after all. He wouldn't care.
I was waiting for him to leave, but he stood on my doorstep instead. Uncomfortable silence grew between us. What's up with him? "Um, excuse me," I said, breaking the silence. Kuya Kendrick moved aside. He seemed to be confused by his actions too based on his reaction. I don't get him sometimes. Before I could make my way down, I was stopped in my tracks by Kuya Kendrick. "Vierra." He called. I turned to look at him. This was the first time he acknowledged me and my name this month. "Ano yun?" I asked. Kuya Kendrick hesitated before replying. "Never mind." I drew my brows together. Kuya Kendrick, ang hirap mo intindihin. — I held my breath as I walked down the corridor to meet my father. Unlike my mother, my father didn't care about what I did at all. I held the door to his office and opened it. Inside, my father stared at me with the same cold expression I knew all too well. I sat on the chair in front of his desk and silently waited for what he had to say. My father continued looking at me and let out a low sigh. "Are you still interested in that art bullshit? You know, I've always thought you had great potential in the medical field ever since you were young, but seeing you choose that path, pains me. It is a shame, really." My heart pounded against my chest. I already had a feeling he was going to say it— but I've heard the same thing too many times already. I never understood why they're so eager for the whole family to study in med school. What did we do to not have the right to choose what we want to pursue in the future? Were we born just for this? Countless thoughts that I've always wanted to say were left unsaid on my tongue— leaving me a bitter aftertaste. There are so many things I wanted to fight for… but I was still unable to do so. "It's what I've always wanted to do, pa. Even if I have potential in me, I don't believe that I'll do a good job with treating other humans." I said, in hopes of getting my point across his head. My father knitted his eyebrows together and frowned. It was obvious he was upset. The things I said must've really shocked him, since I never responded to such comments before. But surprisingly enough, his expression slightly softened after a while of thinking. "Well, I won't stop you from doing that. Just make sure to leave this household and find your own place to live in if your career goes unsuccessful." He looked at me seriously. "We won't coddle you anymore after that. There is a reason for everything me and your mother decide on for this family. Never show up in front of our faces again if that's the case." Hearing his words felt like a dagger was suddenly stabbed into my heart. It wasn't the fact that I wouldn't receive any support that bothered me— I felt hurt that they could act like it's so easy to throw me away. Maybe it's true. To them, I was like a fly trying to get in their way. I could easily be flown away once I begin to inconvenience their perfect family.
