Knowing and Understanding Oneself
SELF-CONCEPT
Ideal self is the self that you aspire to be. It is the one that you hope will
possess characteristics similar to that of a mentor some worldly figure.
Actual self is the one that you actually see. It is the self that has
characteristics that you were nurtured or, in some cases, born to have.
The actual self and the ideal self are two broad categories of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to your awareness of yourself. It is the construct that
negotiates these two selves. In other words, it connotes first the identification of the
ideal self as separate from others, and second, it encompasses all the behaviors
evaluated in the actual self that you engage in to reach the ideal self.
The actual self is built on self-knowledge. Self-knowledge is derived from social
interactions that provide insight into how others react to you. The actual self is who
we actually are. It is how we think, how we feel, look, and act. The actual self can be
seen by others, but because we have no way of truly knowing how others view us,
the actual self is our self-image.
The ideal self, on the other hand, is how we want to be. It is an idealized image
that we have developed over time, based on what we have learned and
experienced. The ideal self could include components of what our parents have
taught us, what we admire in others, what our society promotes, and what we think
is in our best interest.
There is negotiation that exists between the two selves which is complex because
there are numerous exchanges between the ideal and actual self. These exchanges
are exemplified in social roles that are adjusted and re-adjusted, and are derived
from outcomes of social interactions from infant to adult development. Alignment is
important. If the way that I am (the actual self) is aligned with the way that I want to
be (the ideal self), then I will feel a sense of mental well-being or peace of mind. If
the way that I am is not aligned with how I want to be, the incongruence, or lack of
alignment, will result in mental distress or anxiety. The greater the level of
incongruence between the ideal self and real self, the greater the level of resulting
distress. Personal development modules ultimate aim is greater self-knowledge that
will lead to higher alignment between these two personality domains.
