Statements Heard Around the Globe Regarding Alcohol and Other Drug Use in Teens
by Brenda Conlan
1. It’s hypocritical of me to forbid my child to drink alcohol when he/she sees me enjoy a drink or
two when I am socializing, eating or celebrating.
If you are modeling moderate use of alcohol to your child, that’s actually ideal. It is positive for kids to
see adults approach alcohol as a beverage – something that compliments an event (a meal, party, or
special occasion) with no visible personality changes or other consequences. Unfortunately, teens who drink
tend to approach alcohol as a drug – they are likely drinking for the intoxicating effects only, and in doing so,
incur great risk to their physical, social and emotional lives.
Teens don’t stand around at a party enjoying the dry, crisp taste of a Chardonnay wine and eating a
piece of cheese – they drink to feel different, relieve anxiety, “get their spark,” be close to their friends –
sadly, what they “gain” from alcohol is only a loan and there is a good possibility that alcohol will have to be
on board to re-capture those feelings in the future. This is how dependence sets in and it can be avoided by
delaying the onset of alcohol use in young people.
As an adult, you are free to enjoy many activities that society has determined your adolescent is not
prepared for – there is no need to justify social drinking, voting, driving a car, having sex or anything else
you may do that our society feels adults can navigate safely and maturely. It really is okay for you to be the
adult and your kid to be the kid!
2. It’s unrealistic to believe my child will never drink in high school or at least try it with friends.
It’s important that we don’t take on our teen’s worldview in the matter of substance use – kids need
adults to have a different perspective than their peers in order to feel like someone is in charge. Parents
who see alcohol and other drug use as normal, understandable or inevitable will almost certainly have
children who use – their own parents don’t believe they can or should abstain. The “everybody’s doing it”
idea is simply not true.
Drinkers have more visibility and seem to get more microphone time, but solid research shows us that
the majority of teens are making sound, healthy decisions regarding alcohol and other drugs, they are just
not as loud about their lives! Experiencing “wild sobriety” every weekend is not a sexy story to tell at the
cafeteria table. National Studies have proven that teens who receive a firm, loving non-use message at
home are significantly less likely to engage in substance use of any kind. Parents who focus on the health
and safety issues have more success, as this is rooted in love and concern, rather than judgment. All
research points to parental involvement as being the single most important factor in an adolescent’s rela-
tionship to alcohol. Drug free kids cite parental disappointment as the #1 reason for their choice not to use.
Our goal is not to make sure that our child never drinks in their lifetime; we are hoping to postpone
drinking as long as possible. When people have acquired a complete set of cognitive, social and coping
skills, they will be ready to approach alcohol reasonably as an adult.
3. Since teens are going to drink no matter what we say, we might as well have them drink at our
homes where we can keep an eye on them and take the car keys away.
Yikes! This is not only a myth, but indeed a very dangerous belief system. Taking care of the external
physical landscape does not make the internal landscape of a vulnerable adolescent safe. Teens drinking in
your home could be on medications you are unaware of that will interact negatively with alcohol. They may
come from homes where there is a history of alcoholism and addiction and be particularly at risk – they may
cross the line from weekend binge drinker to alcoholic in your basement that night.
The Parent Trap
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