Writing Effective Paragraphs: A Guide to Combining Sentences and Improving Essays, Schemes and Mind Maps of Japanese

Download Writing Effective Paragraphs: A Guide to Combining Sentences and Improving Essays and more Schemes and Mind Maps Japanese in PDF only on Docsity!

CRESL Level Four

Writing Guide

Paul Mayer

August, 2011

Table of Contents

• Introduction & Seven Steps to Follow When Writing Essays---2-
• Unit 1: Writing A Descriptive Paragraph--------------------------------5-
• Unit 2: Writing A Three-Paragraph Descriptive Essay----------10-
• Unit 3: Writing A Five-Paragraph Descriptive Essay------------12-
• Unit 4: Writing A Five-Paragraph Cause-Effect Essay----------20-
• Unit 5: Writing A Five-Paragraph Compare-Contrast Essay- 23-
• Appendix-----------------------------------------------------------------------36-

it’s easier to teach golf to someone who has never played before than it is to teach it to someone who has played badly for a number of years.

Now that you know about my philosophy of teaching ESL, let me tell you a little about myself. I was born in West Point, N.Y. but grew up in Munich Germany. Before I transferred into Munich American Elementary School, I studied for two years in German elementary schools, where I experienced the trials and tribulations of being an outsider with limited language skills. In short, I can empathize with you on what it’s like learning a second language in a foreign land. I’ve been teaching for over twenty five years, I’m married, have two kids, work with the Boy Scouts of America, occasionally teach Sunday school, coach soccer and I love to play basketball and tennis.

As for what you can expect to happen in class, each day I will try to give you a balanced lesson plan consisting of reading, writing, speaking, listening, and grammar-based activities. Missing class is strongly discouraged as you will miss a lot of material and it will be hard for you to catch up. Equally important, you should try to get the homework from a fellow classmate if you have to be absent or leave early. You can try and reach me during my office hours (see syllabus) or meet me directly after class if you have any questions. Please do not speak your native language in class. It’s counterproductive and is a distraction to the students around you. While I understand the occasional whisper, if you talk across the room or loudly enough for me to hear you, I will write your name on the board. The second time you disrupt the class will cause me to ask you to leave the classroom for 5 minutes. You can expect at least one hour of homework per day and a writing assignment on most weekends.

I look forward to working hard with you this semester. I’m usually available after class, so don’t be afraid to stick around to ask me questions about class or anything else you need help with. If I don’t know the answer, I’ll probably know someone who does.

Seven Steps to Follow When Writing Your Essays Step One: After I explain a writing prompt, take the time to brainstorm, categorize and outline your ideas onto the outline I have provided you in the Writing Guide. Be sure to have at least two supporting details and a topic sentence for each supporting paragraph. Papers turned in without a completed outline will not be corrected.

Step Two: Go over your outline with this week’s partner. If you aren’t sure how to fix a mistake, raise your hand.

Step Three: Write your essay over the weekend and bring it in on Monday to share with the same partner. Remember to use black or blue ink and to double space so that corrections can be easily made. The first time you read your partner’s paper, just check for content and try to find something to mention that you like about the paper. During the second reading, make a mental note of any mistakes you think your partner has made with content (the ideas and details), the format (the appearance of the essay, e.g. indentation, title) and form (grammar, punctuation, capitalization, etc.).

Step Four: Talk about her paper’s strengths and weaknesses and try to fix each other’s mistakes. If you disagree or aren’t sure, raise your hand or come up to my desk and I’ll help you.

Step Five: Hand in your paper with your partner’s signature at the bottom of the last page. I will not accept a paper that has not been corrected and signed by your partner. This is why it is imperative that you bring your first draft on Monday.

Step Six: Take a look at the correction symbols (see list in the appendix of the Writing Guide) I have written next to or above your mistakes. With your partner and in a different color ink (blue on black or vice versa), try to fix the mistakes. See me if you need help. If there is a red line in the upper left hand corner, that means I need to speak with you. It could mean I just want to make a suggestion. Turn in the paper with the corrections. Please do not rewrite the essay, as I’m interested in making sure you correct everything I have taken the time to point out.

Step 7: I have circled the corrections you have successfully made and squared the ones you failed to correct appropriately. Notice that within the squares I have put in a correction that would work in your essay. Your paper has also been given three grades: one for content, one for format, and one for form. Below is a check list to remind you of the steps you need to take:

Essay Writing Check List  I have brainstormed and categorized my ideas and put them into the outline that my instructor has provided me in the Writing guide.

 My partner and I have gone over each other’s outlines before the weekend.

 I’ve written my essay in either black or blue ink and remembered to double space each line.

 My partner and I have corrected and signed each other’s papers and turned them in.

 My partner and I have corrected our own mistakes in a different color ink (blue on black or visa versa). We have looked at each other’s papers and have commented on the corrections each of us has made.

 I have tried to correct each mistake that has a correction symbol nearby.  My partner and I have looked at each other’s paper (yet again), paying special attention to the corrections our instructor has written in each square.

The most important thing I like about my friend is that I know that he would never turn his back on me or my family. He won’t lie to me. I feel very lucky to have someone like my friend because I can count on him in many ways. If your car broke down far away from home in the middle of the night, my friend is the kind of person who would get out of bed to pick you up.

Concluding Comment : (This is a restatement of your topic in different words that includes the details and words that support your topic.) I feel very lucky to have someone like my friend because I can count on him in many ways. I have learned how to treat other people better through watching him, and he has shown me what it means to be honest and trustworthy.

So, when we put the topic sentence, the details, and concluding comment together, the rough draft of the paragraph looks like this:

My friend has many likable qualities. He is kind hearted. He is very thoughtful and friendly to everyone. He never puts people down and cares about others before himself. He is funny and helps me laugh at myself. Because he is smart, he knows how to use humor to get his point across without hurting anyone’s feelings. He is also familiar with how to use humor to motivate people and how to get people to agree with him. He is trustworthy and honest. The most important thing I like about my friend is that I know that he would never turn his back on me or my family. He won’t lie to me. I feel very lucky to have someone like my friend because I can count on him in many ways. If your car broke down far away from home in the middle of the night, my friend is the kind of person who would get out of bed to pick you up. I have learned how to treat other people better through watching him, and he has shown me what it means to be honest and trustworthy.

Notice that too many of the sentences are short and begin with “He.” The contents of this paragraph are good, but stylistically it is poor. Now it is time to rewrite the paragraph, or what your teacher might call writing a second draft. To improve this rough draft, we need to combine these short sentences into larger ones.

Combining Short Sentences by Making Lists

One way to combine sentences is to make a list using commas. Our rough draft has a lot of adjectives. Can you combine the second and third sentences of the rough draft into one by using commas and listing the adjectives?

Exercise 1 Work with a partner and combine the second and third sentences of the rough draft into one sentence by using commas and listing the adjectives. Work on a separate sheet of paper and don’t look at the examples below. Try to do this by yourselves.

---

---

Hopefully your sentence looks like, “He is kind hearted, very thoughtful, and friendly to everyone.”

Combining Sentences by Creating Compound Sentences Another way to combine short sentences is to write compound sentences. Notice the sentence, “I have learned how to treat other people better through watching him, and he has shown me what it means to be honest and trustworthy ” works well because it combines several points into one longer sentence.

Exercise 2 Work with the same partner and combine the two sentences “The most important thing I like about my friend is that I know that he would never turn his back on me or my family. He won’t lie to me.” into one compound sentence on the separate sheet of paper. For this exercise, remember to use a coordinating conjunction (and, but, so, for, nor, yet) to join the two smaller sentences. Don’t peek at the example below.

Like cooking an omelet, there are many possible ways to put these ingredients (two sentences) together. When your teacher tells you to, look at the examples to see possible ways to combine these two sentences. If time permits, try to combine them a second way. Remember to double space so that you can edit your work.

Examples of Possible Compound Sentences

“ The most important thing I like about my friend is that I know that he would never turn his back on me or my family. He won’t lie to me .” The simplest way to combine these two shorter sentences would be to add “and” between them to make, The most important thing I like about my friend is that I know he would never turn his back on me or my family, and he won’t lie to me. A better way would be to write, The most important thing I like about my friend is that he won’t lie to me, and I know that he would never turn his back on me or my family. Another possible route would be to shorten the second sentence into a phrase to create, “The most important thing I like about my friend is that I know he would never turn his back on me or lie to me or my family.” The meaning is a little different in the last one, but it improves the style a lot.

B. (Example sentences of _____________________________)

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

Detail #3 (Usually the most important detail) It is a great place to exercise A. (Example sentences of the different kinds of exercise that can be done there.)

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

Concluding Comment : (This is a restatement of your topic in different words that includes the details and words that support your topic.)

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

Exercise 4 Put the topic sentence, details and their supporting sentences down in paragraph form on a separate sheet of paper. Use the skills you practiced in Exercise 2 and 3 of this guide book to rewrite your second draft. After you finish writing your second draft, share your work with a partner and talk about what you like and what you think could be improved with your partner’s paragraph. Just like with your paper, check your partner’s paper for content , format , and form. Often your instructor will grade on these three criteria. Content refers to the ideas, the format refers to how the paper looks regarding layout (title, indentation, use of margins, etc.), and form refers to grammar, spelling and punctuation. Remember that you don’t have to use every editing skill every time. For example, you might not need to write a list, combine sentences or edit out unnecessary sentences with your rough draft. See what your partner thinks. Be sure to let her see both your rough and second drafts.

Unit 2: Writing a Three-paragraph Essay

Now that you have reviewed what a good paragraph looks like, let’s expand on what you have studied. A three-paragraph essay is similar to a one-paragraph response as it has many of the same things. Look at the outline below and note the similarities it has with the outline we used when writing our paragraph about our favorite place.

Title: Exercise Brings Many Rewards I. Introduction: A. Opening/Background Statements

---

---

---

B. Thesis Statement and First Point or Category

---

---

---

---

C. Supporting Details of First Point or Category

---

---

---

---

II. Second Point or Category: A. Topic Sentence

---

---

---

B. Supporting Details

---

---

---

---

III. Third Point or Category and Concluding Comment A. Topic Sentence

---

---

---

B. Supporting Details and Concluding Comments

---

---

---

Exercise 4:

Congratulations! It is time to write a three-paragraph essay on your own. You may choose your own topic, but the title of your essay must begin with the words “Three things” or “Three reasons.” For example your title could be “Three Things to do When Visiting Iran”, “Three Reasons I Don’t Have Money”, or “Three Reasons to Visit My Native Country”. If you aren’t sure about your title, ask your partner or instructor for help. Remember to complete the three-paragraph essay outline on page 11 before writing the essay.

Writing a Five-paragraph Descriptive Essay

Now that you have a good understanding of how to write a three-paragraph essay, you are ready to take what you have learned and apply it to writing a five- paragraph essay. Look at the outline for a five-paragraph, descriptive essay below. Do you see anything familiar? How are the outline for the three-paragraph essay and this outline similar? How are they different?

Title: _________________________________________________________

I. Introductory Paragraph

A. General/Background Statements:________________________________

---

B. Thesis Statement:____________________________________________

---

II. Body Paragraph 1

Topic Sentence:_____________________________________________

---

1. Support:_________________________________________________
2. Support:_________________________________________________
3. Support:_________________________________________________

III. Body Paragraph 2

Topic Sentence___________________________________________________

1. Support:_______________________________________________________
2. Support:_______________________________________________________
3. Support:______________________________________________________

IV. Body Paragraph 3

Topic Sentence:_____________________________________________

---

1. Support:_________________________________________________
2. Support:_________________________________________________
3. Support:_________________________________________________

V. Conclusion:___________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

You will notice that a few parts have been added. The first paragraph is the introduction, which contains the background information and the thesis statement. Roman numerals two through four (II, III, IV) refer to the body of the essay. Each of the three body paragraphs is one of the points or categories of the essay. Now each detail has its own paragraph and supporting details, which means you will need to provide more details to substantiate each point or category. The concluding paragraph is longer because it should include an additional perspective on the topic with a personal anecdote, a joke, a quotation, a question, a prediction or other such device. We’ll look at few concluding paragraphs to get a better idea later in the exercises of this guide.

Look at this outline with the blanks filled in. The writing prompt is: Write about your favorite place.

points or categories, which gives the reader a good idea of where you are going with your paper.

Working with Body Paragraphs

Let’s take a look at body paragraph 1 in the outline above. It will be the second paragraph of our five-paragraph essay. If we take away all of the outline and just leave the content, the paragraph as a rough draft will look like this:

The park has many beautiful things to offer. There are a lot of trees and shade. The gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns. The mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling.

This is a good start, but it is kind of bare, almost like a skeleton. It needs what writers call “fleshing out”, which means adding even more details! One way to get ideas on how to add details is to ask why, how, when, what, and who questions. For example, with the detail, “ There are a lot of trees and shade” , we could ask, “How does this benefit us?”, “Why is this important to the reader?”, or “What does this offer to society”? We could follow, “ There are a lot of trees and shade” , with a non-identifying (otherwise known as non-restrictive, or non-essential) adjective clause, which you study in level 4. So, in other words we could add, “ which provide a cool and relaxing place to rest after a hard day’s work .” Now the sentence looks like this, ““ There are a lot of trees and shade, which provide a cool and relaxing place to rest after a hard day’s work .” On a larger scale, we could add an entire sentence to, “ The gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns” with a sentence like, “ My wife and I often walk by the flower beds to get ideas for what we would like to grow on our balcony .” Similarly, the sentence, The mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling could be fleshed out with, “ Whenever I walk their trails, I enjoy looking out over the town and seeing how small everything seems. This helps me to distance myself from my problems and to see them from a different perspective. So, now that we have fleshed out paragraph A, it looks like this:

The park has many beautiful things to offer. There are a lot of trees and shade, which provide a cool and relaxing place to rest after a hard day’s work. The gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns. My wife and I often walk by the flower beds to get ideas for what we would like to grow on our balcony. The mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling. Whenever I walk their trails, I enjoy looking out over the town and seeing how small everything seems. This helps me to distance myself from my problems and to see them from a different perspective.

Now our first paragraph is beginning to look like a complete paragraph. But it is still missing what are called transitional devices. Look in the appendix to learn more about these “connecting words” that help bridge ideas. Briefly, by adding these devices to our paragraph (and essay), we improve the flow of ideas. Compare our draft above with the one with transitional devices ( in bold ) below:

First of all , the park has many beautiful things to offer. There are a lot of trees and shade, which provide a cool and relaxing place to rest after a hard day’s work. Also , the gardeners do a good job of keeping up the flowers and lawns. My wife and I often walk by the flower beds to get ideas for what we would like to grow on our balcony. Most importantly , the mountains in the background add to the peaceful feeling. Whenever I walk their trails, I enjoy looking out over the town and seeing how small everything seems. This helps me to distance myself from my problems and to see them from a different perspective.

Exercise 1 In the space provided below take the information in body paragraph B (paragraph

3. in the outline above. Notice the rough draft of the paragraph below. This is like the skeleton of the paragraph. Now it’s your turn to flesh it out. Add more details and transitional devices to the topic sentence and three supporting details. Double space so that you can edit your work, and use the examples we used for paragraph A as a guide.

The park offers many ways to exercise. My park has several trails that lead up into the mountains. There is also basketball and tennis courts free to the public. The open fields are good for activities like soccer and tag.

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

1. Support:_________________________________________________
2. Support:_________________________________________________
3. Support:_________________________________________________

Paragraph III Topic Sentence:____________________________________________

---

1. Support:_________________________________________________
2. Support:_________________________________________________
3. Support:_________________________________________________

Paragraph IV Topic Sentence:_____________________________________________

---

1. Support:_________________________________________________
2. Support:_________________________________________________
3. Support:_________________________________________________

Paragraph V Conclusion:___________________________________________________

---

Exercise 3 Once your instructor has approved your outline, you are almost ready to compose your essay. Before you write your composition, it is a good idea to review the handout entitled “Correction Symbols” in the appendix. Try to correct the mistakes in the descriptive essay in the appendix titled Christmas in My Country.

Exercise 4 With a partner, go over your corrections to see if they are similar. As mentioned in the first unit, there are several ways to correct mistakes, so don’t assume that if your corrections are different that one of you is wrong. It’s quite possible both of you are right. If you aren’t sure, ask you instructor to help answer your questions. Now your instructor will show you the corrected version of the student essay. Do you agree with the corrections? More importantly, do you understand what the correction symbols mean and why these mistakes needed to be corrected?

Exercise 5 (Take-Home Assignment) It is now time to write your descriptive essay using your work on the outline from Exercise 2. Be sure to review what we have studied in these three units while you write your essay. Do you have transitional devices throughout the essay and within each paragraph? (Review Transitional Devices handout in the appendix.) Are the sentences longer because you have used commas and listed similar language structures like adjectives and gerunds? (See Unit 1, Exercise 2.) Have you tried to write compound and complex sentences instead of short, choppy ones?

Exercise 6 (In Class) Exchange your essays with a partner and read your partner’s essay twice. The first time just read it to get the general idea of the essay. The second time, in light pencil, mark where you feel the essay is weak or needs correction. When you both have finished checking each other’s essay, talk about what you like and what you feel needs additional work. It may be a content problem, a format problem, or a problem with form (see page 5-6 for definitions of these terms). If you disagree with your partner’s suggestions, ask your instructor to help. Put your name at the bottom of your partner’s paper. This is done so that when the instructor corrects your first draft using correction symbols, both you and your partner can learn from each other’s mistakes. Turn in your paper for your instructor to put correction symbols where needed.

Exercise 7 After you receive your first draft back from you instructor, try to correct the mistakes indicated by the correction symbols your instructor has used. Show the same partner the mistakes your instructor found and the corrections you made. If your partner disagrees with your corrections and you aren’t sure who is right, ask your instructor to help. Turn in your final draft to your instructor for a final grade.

Exercise 8 (In Class)

In one hour or less, write a descriptive five-paragraph essay using the prompt your teacher gives you. You may use your dictionary but no talking is allowed. Please remember to double space and to leave at least 5 minutes in the end to go over your work to make any necessary changes and/or corrections. Remember to take the time to brainstorm, categorize and to write an outline, which must be turned in with your essay.