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I N T RO DUC T I O N
Transactional
analysis
The approach also highlights each person’s aptitude and capacity for change. This means, for example, that through awareness and insight, the events of early childhood can be redefined by the individual and self-defeating patterns of behaviour altered. These ideas are similar to those expressed in psychodynamic theory, where the emphasis is also on childhood experience and the possibility of change through therapeutic intervention in later life. The goals of psychodynamic counselling and transactional analysis have much in common, since both aim to help clients bring unconscious material into consciousness. In transac- tional analysis terms this means helping clients to become more autonomous and ‘script’ free. A similar view is implicit in the person-centred approach where the individual’s ‘actualising tendency’ is seen as a powerful force for improvement and change. However, transactional analysis differs greatly from both the psychody- namic and humanistic approaches since it stresses the importance of social transac- tions – a dimension not emphasised by the other two.
Q
Eric B erne
Eric Berne, who was the founder of transactional analysis, completed his medical training in 1935 and later studied psychiatry at Yale University. In the 1940s he trained as a psychoanalyst at the New York Psychoanalytic Institute, and in 1956 applied for membership there. This request was refused, possibly because of Berne’s divergence from, and criticism of, traditional Freudian teaching. Berne was greatly influenced by his father (also a doctor) who died when his
The subject of this chapter is transac- tional analysis and its use in the context of counselling and therapy. Transactional analysis is a psychoanalytically inspired approach which links problem behaviour to early experience. According to the theory, this early experience exerts considerable influence in the present and is discernible in the ‘ego states’ each person feels and exhibits at any given time. In the course of this chapter we shall define and discuss these ego states, and we shall consider a number of other important concepts which are central to the theory of transactional analysis.
Counselling Skills and Theory, 3rd edition
son Eric was eleven years old. This early bereavement had a lasting effect on Berne and when he came to formulate his own method of helping the patients in his care he dedicated his most important work to the memory of his father (Berne, 1961). It is worth mentioning this, because it serves to underline a degree of commitment to patients (or clients) which Berne shared with his father, a man who exemplified dedication to the poor and disadvantaged. Berne demonstrated his own concern for the patients in his care through the design and use of transactional analysis. As a method of communication, and as a psychotherapeutic tool, it was meant to translate complex ideas and concepts into more accessible and user-friendly language which could be understood by ordinary people. In addition to his work with patients, Eric Berne also wrote several very successful books. These include Transactional Analysis In Psychotherapy (1961), Games People Play (1964), The Principles Of Group Treatment (1966) and What Do You Say After You Say Hello? (1972) which was published after his death. The principles of transactional analysis are expressed very clearly in these books, and should be first choice for anyone wishing to specialise in this approach.
Terminology Already we can see that the terminology used in transactional analysis is quite different from that used in any other approach. This is both a strength and a weakness of the model, because although the language is memorable and accessible, it is also regarded by some critics as simplistic and superficial. Berne was concerned to demystify the esoteric language of psychotherapy so that it could be grasped by anyone. He was especially interested in helping his patients to understand the basic principles of the approach and the origins of the psychological problems which they had come to experience. In this respect Berne was certainly successful, not least because transactional analysis does appear to help clients and patients to participate more fully in their own therapy. Since its inception, however, Berne’s model has been extended considerably by different schools and theorists, and new and more complex ideas have been added to it. While the fundamental principles of transactional analysis remains intact, the accessibility which Berne valued so much is often obscured. Apart from these criticisms, however, transactional analysis continues to gain popularity, not only as a theoretical approach to counselling and therapy but also as a communications skills model which is used exten- sively in education, management, industry, health care and many of the caring professions. The International Transactional Analysis Association (ITAA) was formed in 1964 as a training and accreditation body, while the European Association for Transactional Analysis (EATA) performs a similar function. Many of the people who become involved in transac- tional analysis do so because they are interested in it as a communications
Counselling Skills and Theory, 3rd edition
analysis are illustrated in diagrammatic form, the most basic of which is the structural diagram illustrated in Figure 7.1. Each of these states, Parent, Adult and Child, is present from early childhood, and all are described by Berne as ‘psychological realities’ (Berne, 1964). In the structural diagram Figure 7.1, the ego states are separated from each other because they are incompatible and differ considerably.
Parent ego state The Parent ego state represents a set of thoughts, feelings and behaviour which are derived from parental figures. According to Berne (1964) the Parent ego state is exhibited in both indirect and direct form. A person may, for example, respond as one of his parents actually responded in a given situation. When this occurs, the ego state is directly shown. When the parental influence is an indirect one, then the person is likely to respond as his parents would have wished him to respond. A distinction between these two forms is important, and explains how: 1 people can sometimes ‘become’ one of their own parents when the Parent ego state is directly active, and 2 how people exhibit the kind of response which parents required in the past.
A client called Viv recounted the following experience.
Figure 7.1 Structural diagram of personality
Parent
Adult
Child
Sometimes I feel that the children are driving me crazy. Most of the time I cope quite well, and my husband is supportive and helpful. At other times, especially when I have just got in from work, I simply don’t know where to start. Then I find myself getting into a panic and I start to shout at them. When this happened to me yesterday I suddenly realised that I sounded exactly like my mother. It wasn’t just the tone of my voice... it was the words as well. I actually used the word ‘weary’ as she used to do, and later on I used another expression of hers as well. I’m sure I looked like her too, standing there with my hands on my hips glaring at the children. It pulled me up short and made me really think... do I want to become old before my time and end up hassled and bad tempered the way she always seemed to be? COMMENTARY In the example just given, the client described a situation in which she felt she had ‘become’ her own mother in her response to her children. Her actions and her state of mind were the same as her mother’s used to be in a similar situation. It is important to point out here that the word Parent refers to parental substitutes as well as to actual parents, and could include, for example, teachers and others who exerted influence on a person’s early life.
CASE STUDY Parent ego state
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Do as I say: Indirect Parent
The second category of Parent which Berne identifies actually operates in conjunction with a person’s Child ego state. Stewart (1992) describes this as an ‘internal dialogue’ taking place between ego states. When a person responds in this way, the parental ‘influence’ is evident. Another way of saying this is that the response shown is one which clearly stems from the instruction ‘this is how one should behave’ or ‘do as I say’. This adaptation to parental influence is evidence in the ‘adapted Child’ ego state which we shall consider later in this section.
Aspects of socialisation
Whether shown in direct or indirect form, the Parent ego state resembles a compendium of the entire socialisation process which each person has received in early life. This early socialisation is passed from parents, teachers and other significant people in childhood, and is usually absorbed without question by the growing child. However, it is not just parental pronouncements and injunctions which are recorded in this way; the example which parents and other significant people give is also relevant here. Both negative and positive influences are recorded in the Parent ego state, and everything which is experienced by the child is internalised to become part of the personality. Once again Berne’s psychoanalytic training is evident in his theory, since the idea of parental internalisation is common to all branches of psychodynamic teaching, including object relations theory. There is an important point of difference, however, between Berne’s theory of personality and those described by the various branches of psychodynamic theory. This difference concerns the ‘paternal’ influence which, in Berne’s formulation, is potentially just as influential as the
During bereavement counselling, a client called Kavita remembered her experiences in childhood and her relationship with her father, which she described as follows: My mother was talkative and outgoing. She was the one who seemed to have an opinion about everything. I can see many aspects of my mother in myself, but I can identify characteristics of my father too. When he came to this country he concentrated on working hard, setting up a business and working virtually non stop from early morning to late at night. I only really started to think about him after he died, and to appreciate all that he did for the family. Though I can’t remember him directly influencing me when I was a child, I know now that his unspoken influence was immense. I have absorbed his attitude to work and to family, and I am very grateful now for the many positive messages he conveyed to me.
CASE STUDY Paternal influence
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Nurturing Parent and Controlling Parent
The terms ‘Nurturing Parent’ and ‘Controlling Parent’ refer to two different sets of influence which are absorbed in early childhood and are clearly distin- guishable from each other when they are manifest. Berne originally used the word ‘prejudicial’ instead of controlling to describe the second form in which the Parent ego state is exhibited (Berne, 1961). However, both these words, ‘Controlling’ and ‘Prejudicial’, are meant to denote arbitrary and prohibitive attitudes which are borrowed from parental figures and are usually exhibited automatically and without question in certain situations. The example of the bank cashier is a case in point here, and serves to illustrate the way in which some people respond to particular situations exactly as a parent or parents would have done. The ‘Nurturing Parent’ ego state is shown in a completely different way, and is usually manifest as sympathy or support for others in need or distress. It is important to remember that children are also capable of responding in all three ego states, and when they are in ‘Nurturing Parent’ it tends to be demon- strated as concern for someone or something smaller, weaker and more vulnerable, including toys and dolls.
Child ego state
While information is being recorded in the Parent ego state, another recording is taking place simultaneously. This second recording also derives from the past and represents a young child’s actual reactions to what is going on in the environment. Later on in adult life the Child ego state is evident when the emotions which the original situation produced are felt once again. Harris (1967) makes the point that a young child has no vocabulary in the critical early years, so most experience is recorded as ‘feelings’. These feelings responses can be evoked at any time in adult life, and often the individual concerned is unaware that the response is an archaic one. The following is an example of this.
Parent ego state Working individually, try to identify as many situations as possible where you respond in a Parent ego state. How do you think, feel and act when you respond in this way? Think carefully about your tone of voice, your gestures, your facial expressions and any other observable features which are manifest in your Parent ego state.
EXERCISE
Nurturing Parent and Controlling Parent Working individually, identify any situations where other people responded to you as either ‘Controlling Parent’ or ‘Nurturing Parent’. How did these people sound and look when they responded to you in these two ego states? How did each style of communication affect you, and how did you respond to each?
EXERCISE
Counselling Skills and Theory, 3rd edition
Adapted Child and Free Child We have seen that the Child ego state is preserved from childhood, so that a person functioning in this way behaves as he or she did at a very early age. Like the Parent ego state, the Child is demonstrated in speech, stance, demeanour and overall appearance. In addition to these outward signs and behaviour, there are what Steiner (1974) refers to as accompanying ‘perceptions, thoughts and feelings’ which correspond to the visible indicators. In referring to the Child ego state, Berne stressed that it was not intended to mean ‘childish’ or ‘immature’ (Berne, 1961). Berne was aware of the danger that his terminology could be misinter- preted and used in a disparaging way. In his early writing he uses the terms ‘Adapted’ and ‘Natural’ Child to describe the two broad manifes- tations of that particular ego state, though the word ‘Free’ is now often substituted for ‘Natural’.
Adapted Child In the section entitled ‘Do as I say’ we looked briefly at how people adapt to parental influence, and the way in which this adaptation is revealed through the Child ego state in adult life. The person who is functioning in Adapted Child will demonstrate behaviour meant to conform to the expectations of parents and parental
Gwyneth, who was in her early forties, received counselling because she was unable to cope at work. Her problems arose when she had to deal with complaints from staff or customers, or when any situation arose in which there was conflict. When things became difficult, Gwyneth either felt angry and defensive or extremely tearful. She was aware that her responses were inappropriate, but was unable to modify the strong feelings which certain people and situations evoked. In the course of counselling she revealed that her parents had been habitually critical, so that she reached a point in her childhood where she despaired of ever pleasing them. Her transferential responses to staff and customers was an exact replica of the way she responded to parental criticism in the past. When she understood this Gwyneth was in a position to alter her responses and access her Adult ego state when conflict or disagreement arose. This was not something she achieved immediately, however. Understanding and practice are necessary before long established ways of responding are changed in this way. Gwyneth’s counsellor taught her the basic principles of transactional analysis and showed her how ‘complementary’ and ‘crossed’ transactions work in practice (see also Figures 7.3, 7.4 and 7.5).
CASE STUDY Child ego state
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Looking at ego states Working individually, look at the responses given to the situations described. Say whether you think these responses come from each person’s Parent, Adult or Child ego states. 1 Helen has been asked by her manager to work extra hours at the weekend. She asks for some time to consider the situation. Next day she replies that she has given it some thought and is willing to do the overtime. 2 Bruce has been admitted to hospital for an operation. He is approached by a doctor who wishes to carry out some diagnostic procedures which Bruce does not understand. Instead of asking, however, he keeps silent and worries for the rest of the day. 3 Catherine has just learned that she has not got the promotion she hoped for. She has a confrontation with her boss and finds herself becoming angry and tearful. 4 Joanne and Lyn are friends and attend the same university. Joanne has a row with her boyfriend and Lyn responds in the following way: ‘He’s not worth it. I never thought he was good enough for you. To be quite honest, I thought you were wasting your time.’ 5 Phil and Simon are friends who share the same office at work. Phil’s girlfriend breaks off their relationship and Simon responds in the following way:
‘Look, I know you must be feeling rotten. If you like, I’ll clear up those files for you and you could leave a bit early.’ 6 Karen’s husband asks her to consider changing their next year’s holiday plans. They had planned a sightseeing holiday, including visits to the local art galleries and museums. He suggests they need a more relaxing break. Karen responds by pointing out that they had both resolved to improve their knowledge of art and anyway, she has better things to do than waste time on the beach. 7 Mrs Rae is an eighty-year-old resident in a nursing home. One of the attendants asks her if she would like to go out for a walk since the day is warm and sunny. Mrs Rae is enthusiastic about the suggestion, and adds that she wouldn’t mind paddling at the local beach as well. 8 James, who is eight, has been told by his parents that he must not play in the sun without wearing sunscreen lotion. He replies that he knows not to do this because he got burned on holiday last year. 9 Carolyn’s mother has asked her to visit home more often. Carolyn, who is twenty and sharing an apartment with some friends, replies that her mother needs to get out and about more so that she can have a life of her own. 10 The manager of a small firm is concerned that her secretary is repeatedly late for
EXERCISE
Adult ego state is re-assessed and updated, in order to keep in touch with changing circumstances and needs. Children too have an Adult ego state, which represents that part of personality which has absorbed and tested information passed to them from parents and other significant people. The central concern for the Adult ego state is the development of individual autonomy and the ability to make informed and realistic decisions on one’s own.
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Application to counselling
Berne’s main objective in formulating transactional analysis was that it should provide a frame of reference for helping clients in therapy. He developed his theories as a result of working directly with patients, whose behavioural changes he observed and then identified in the ego state model. The behavioural changes he noted included alterations in voice tone, gesture, choice of words, facial expression, posture, body movement and even sentence construction (James and Jongeward, 1971). Berne was intrigued by this phenomenon, and observed that people seemed to be governed by different ‘inner’ personalities whose influences were manifest at different times and according to circumstances. He also observed that people communicated in a variety of ways, depending on the ego state which dominated the personality at any given time. These ‘transactions’, as he called them, could be analysed in order to help people identify some of the problems they experienced in commu- nicating with others. Transactional analysis, therefore, is meant to help clients gain intellectual insight through analysis of the way they relate to other people. It is concerned with four major areas of analysis:
Q structural analysis – this is the analysis of individual personality or ego states Q transactional analysis – refers to the analysis of communication styles or social behaviour Q game analysis – this is analysis of the psychological games which people play Q script analysis – analysis of a complex set of transactions which people act out compulsively.
Structural analysis
We have considered Berne’s structure of personality which was shown in diagram form (see Figure 7.1). Berne believed that structural analysis
work. The manager, Mrs Burrows, waits until her irritation is under control then makes an appointment to speak to her secretary. She expresses her concern and asks for an explanation.
Answers It should be stressed that it is not possible to be totally accurate about the correct answers to this questionnaire. This is because so much depends on the manner and tone of voice of the person responding in each case. However, from the evidence given, the answers are shown at the end of this chapter.
EXERCISE
Unit 7
(^) Transactional analysis
Crossed transactions
A crossed transaction occurs when the response given is not the one which the stimulus intended. When such a situation arises, communication tends to break down. Figure 7.6 illustrates this.
STIMULUS: Have you seen my glasses? (Adult to Adult) RESPONSE: Oh you haven’t lost them again! (Parent to Child)
The response to the question ‘Have you seen my glasses’ might have been given from a Child ego state as follows:
STIMULUS: Have you seen my glasses? (Adult to Adult) RESPONSE: You can’t expect me to look after your things. (Child to Parent)
RESPONSE: Yes, it’s disgraceful. They should have more staff. (Parent to Parent)
The following is another example of a complementary transaction, this time Parent to Child. Figure 7.5 illustrates this.
STIMULUS: That’s twice this week you’ve kept me waiting. (Parent to Child) RESPONSE: I’m sorry to be such a nuisance. (Child to Parent)
Figure 7.3 Complementary transaction
Stimulus
Response
P P
A A
C C
Figure 7.4 Complementary transaction
Stimulus
Response
P P
A A
C C
Figure 7.5 Complementary transaction
Stimulus
Response
P P
A A
C C
Counselling Skills and Theory, 3rd edition
Once again this is illustrated in diagrammatic form (see Figure 7.7).
Ulterior transactions Both complementary and crossed transactions are relatively simple and operate on one level. However, Berne describes another, more compli- cated, transaction which operates on two levels and conveys a double set of messages. These are referred to as ‘ulterior’ transactions because they contain a hidden agenda. Another way of stating this is to say that one of the messages occurs at a psychological level, while the other takes place at a social level. The psychological aspect of the transaction is conveyed subtly, and is often picked up via non-verbal clues. It is by far the stronger of the two messages and dominates the social message which is conveyed verbally. Ulterior transactions are frequently contained in exchanges between people who wish to become more intimate and are wary of stating their intentions openly. However, they are also common in many other situations. Figure 7.8 illustrates this. The following is an example. PATIENT: My back is less painful, although it does tend to play up when I’m sitting at my desk. (Adult to Adult) DOCTOR: Certain situations make it worse for you. (Adult to Adult)
On the surface this is a straightforward transaction between two people who are discussing a medical condition. At a psychological level, however, the transaction is likely to be more complex, with a subtle testing of responses taking place on both sides. Depending on voice tone, body language and other non-verbal clues, the ulterior message may be as follows:
Figure 7.6 Crossed transaction
Stimulus
Response
P P
A A
C C
Figure 7.7 Crossed transaction
Stimulus
Response
P P
A A
C C
Counselling Skills and Theory, 3rd edition
Q S cripts
The theory of life scripts has a central place in transactional analysis. Berne (1961) defines a script as a ‘preconscious life plan’ to which people construct their activities, lives and relationships. According to this theory, fundamental decisions about an individual’s entire lifespan are formu- lated at a very early age. Scripts are based on parental conditioning and influence, and they come under two headings or categories, ‘winning’ and ‘losing’ (Berne, 1972). These script types are closely associated with another transactional analysis concept – the OK positions. The
procedures which had been carried out. Mr Phillips had also visited several alternative practitioners, all of whom he described as ‘hopeless’ and incapable of giving him the help he needed. At a later date he requested counselling and during his first sessions informed his counsellor that no one had been able to help him so far. The counsellor observed that Mr Phillips smiled as he described all the failed attempts to understand and assist him. Nevertheless, she worked with him over a period of ten weeks, and during that time was able to help him identify the game he was playing over and over again, and the payoff he received on each occasion. COMMENTARY We can see that Mr Phillips was receiving a great deal of attention as a result of his repeated visits to helpers. Gaining attention in this way was a continuation of the strategy he had employed as a small child. However, the kind of attention this client received effectively prevented him from achieving any real intimacy in relation to other people. In transactional analysis terms, games are designed to confirm and support the original decisions which people make in early life about the best way to relate to others. As far as Mr Phillips was concerned, real intimacy was fraught with danger. This was a lesson he had learned in childhood, at the hands of neglectful and often abusive parents. In response to these early events, he had devised his own method of gaining the ‘strokes’ or recognition he desperately needed. As a result, he was also able to experience the familiar, and what Berne (1972) referred to as ‘racket’, feelings of hurt and satisfaction associated with his own special game. The fact that he was sabotaging his own best interests did not occur to him. In the chapters dealing with psychodynamic approaches to counselling, we noted that Freud (and other Freudian theorists) believed that people frequently repeat early patterns of behaviour in an unconscious and repetitive way. This idea is taken up by Berne and is integral to his theory of games and life scripts.
CASE STUDY continued
Unit 7
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OK positions represent a variety of convictions which people adopt and adhere to from childhood through life. There are four basic OK positions from which games and scripts originate. They are as follows:
Q I’m OK – You’re OK Q I’m OK – You’re not OK Q I’m not OK – You’re OK Q I’m not OK – You’re not OK.
What the positions mean
The first position is the most positive one, and is based on the conviction that every person has worth and value. An infant who is loved and cared for is likely to imbibe feelings of goodness which, if the quality of care continues, will last a lifetime. Feelings of goodness about ‘self ’ are then translated into feelings of goodness about other people too. Once again it is possible to detect echoes of psychodynamic theory, in particular object relations theory, in Berne’s ideas. Unfortunately, problems tend to arise in later childhood when the parents and others become more critical and demanding. When this happens the I’m OK – You’re OK position of an earlier era may be questioned, and the original conviction of worth may then be lost. Some fortunate people retain the I’m OK – You’re OK position throughout life, but the majority of others probably fall into the depressive I’m not OK – You’re OK group. This is because so much learning has to be done in childhood and so many obstacles have to be overcome. Negative feedback is often given by parents and in extreme cases they may even be abusive or neglectful. When this last situation occurs, some children respond by adopting the I’m not OK – You’re not OK ‘futility’ position. Another group of people, those who are arrogant and distrustful of others, will slot into the I’m OK – You’re not OK ‘paranoid’ position. An important point to make in relation to OK positions is that it is possible for all of us to move from one to the other at different stages of life depending on changing circumstances. However, a fundamental I’m OK – You’re OK position which is established in childhood is never totally obscured, even in the most adverse conditions of life.
Focus on counselling
Achieving the I’m OK – You’re OK position often requires a conscious decision (and some effort) in adult life. People who do achieve it tend to respect themselves and all those other people with whom they are in contact. In his writing Berne makes it quite clear that personal change cannot simply be effected by external circumstances, but must come from within the individual. An important objective in counselling is to help clients identify and use their own resources so that therapeutic change becomes
Unit 7
(^) Transactional analysis
the relationship, and encourages the clients to experience themselves as active participants in their own therapy.
The relationship
The relationship itself is based on the concept of equality between the two people involved and all information, including any notes taken, is shared openly. Clients in transactional analysis counselling are helped to achieve emotional and intellectual insight, but the primary focus of therapy is certainly cognitive. This refers to the understanding which we have already mentioned, as a necessary component in the progress towards autonomy and script-free independence. However, creativity and flexibility are further attributes which transactional analysis counsellors need to have. Clients are also encouraged to become more aware of all aspects of everyday life, and to live with spontaneity in the present. Spontaneous living in the here and now implies freedom from outdated scripts, as well as an ability to choose appropriate responses in personal and social situa- tions. The ability to form relationships without resorting to games or subterfuge is another desired outcome in counselling. Communication between client and counsellor should be clear, and this clarity is facilitated when clients are familiar with the theoretical framework of transactional analysis and its terminology. Clients are encouraged to learn about trans- actional analysis and to attend courses if possible. When therapy is taking place in a group context, its aims and objectives are discussed so that all participants are clear about purpose and progress.
Permission
In the transactional analysis model of counselling, the concept of ‘permissions’ has an important place although, as Stewart (1996) points out, some transactional analysis counsellors now tend to de-emphasise this. The word ‘permission’ refers to the counsellor’s role in encouraging clients to abandon unhealthy or destructive behaviours in favour of more positive and life affirming action. Giving permission may take the form of simply telling clients that they need not continue with certain types of behaviour which stem from childhood beliefs still operating at an unconscious level. Many of these beliefs have been passed on from parents and become absorbed into the client’s own Parent ego state. The rationale underlining the concept of permission is that it is possible for the counsellor or therapist to switch off the parental recording which is responsible for the client’s problems. However, there is another much more important reason for helping clients become free of negative parental messages. Clients need to learn to trust their own judgement before they can experience true autonomy and freedom from outdated scripts. The following case study highlights the therapeutic effects of permission in counselling.
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Shelly was a middle-aged client whose mother had died two years before she started counselling. She was now living alone, and complained of an inability to enjoy herself which she described in the following way: I make plans to go out with Freda [her best friend] and I’m really looking forward to it. Then when I get to the cinema or the restaurant, a black cloud seems to descend on me and something inside me says that I should not enjoy myself. After that I start to feel guilty that I am out on the town, when so many other people can’t afford to socialise in that way. I think something bad will happen to me if I enjoy myself. COMMENTARY The counsellor who helped this client agreed and established a specific contract with her. Background details about Shelly’s lifestyle and general health were also discussed, and after this a treatment contract was devised. Shelly stated what it was she wished to achieve through counselling, and later on goals were agreed between client and counsellor. The treatment contract was outlined in positive terms and Shelly stated that she wished to become more confident about going out. She also wished to be free of the guilt feelings which had plagued her for so long. Her parents had been very religious, and the idea that enjoyment was sinful was accepted in the family when Shelly was a child. These strong messages were stored, therefore, in her Parent ego state, and she was unable to dislodge them without someone to encourage her. The counsellor told Shelly that she need not feel guilty on the next social outing. In order to reinforce this permission she asked Shelly to picture their present conversation each time pangs of guilt assailed her. This worked very well for the client who then learned to give herself permission when she needed it. Eventually, even this conscious self-permission was no longer necessary, as Shelly started to feel more independent and free to think for herself.
CASE STUDY Shelly
Inherited beliefs Working in groups of three to four, identify any strongly held beliefs (either positive or negative) that you have inherited from your families of origin. Discuss how these beliefs affect you now, and identify any that you now consider to be outdated.
EXERCISE
