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14845
Extended response: Written imaginative
This sample is intended to inform the design of assessment instruments in the senior phase of
learning. It highlights the qualities of student work and the match to the syllabus standards.
Dimensions assessed
- Understanding and responding to contexts
- Understanding and controlling textual features
- Creating and evaluating meaning
Assessment instrument
The response presented in this sample is in response to an assessment task
Context
In this unit, you have read and analysed a selection of contemporary poems to explore the ways in
which various poets represent the world.
Task
Create a short story that draws on the concepts, identities, times or places represented in a
published contemporary poem. Your short story can be set in either the same or a different time and
place as the poem, and should use ideas, attitudes or values that underpin the original poem to
influence your readers.
Genre: Short story
Role: Short story writer
Audience: Readers of the school magazine
Purpose: To create, to represent, to entertain
Length: 800–1000 words
English 2010
Sample assessment instrument and student responses
English 2010 Sample assessment instrument and student responses
Queensland Curriculum & Assessment Authority October 2014
Instrument-specific standards matrix
Student responses have been matched to instrument-specific criteria and standards; those which
best describe the student work in this sample are shown below. For more information about the
syllabus dimensions and standards descriptors, see www.qcaa.qld.edu.au/11703-
assessment.html.
Standard A Standard C
Understanding and
responding to contexts
The student work has the following characteristics:
The student work has the following characteristics:
- exploitation of a range of genre patterns and conventions to achieve specific purposes - use of genre patterns and conventions to achieve purposes
- discerning selection, organisation and synthesis of relevant and substantive subject matter to support perspectives - selection, sequencing and organisation of relevant subject matter to support perspectives
- manipulation and control of roles of the short story writer and relationship with magazine audiences. - establishment and maintenance of roles of the short story writer and relationship with magazine audiences.
Understanding and controlling textual
features
The student work has the following characteristics:
The student work has the following characteristics:
- a discerning combination of a range of grammatically accurate language structures for specific effects, including clauses and sentences - use of a range of mostly grammatically accurate language structures to achieve purposes, including clauses and sentences
- discerning use of cohesive devices to develop and emphasise ideas and connect parts of the short story including paragraphing - use of cohesive devices to link ideas and connect parts of texts, including parts of the short story including paragraphing
- discerning use of a wide range of apt vocabulary for specific purposes - use of suitable vocabulary for purposes
- discerning use of mode-appropriate features to achieve specific effects: − conventional spelling and punctuation. - suitable use of mode-appropriate features to achieve purposes: − conventional spelling and punctuation.
Creating and evaluating
meaning
The student work has the following characteristics:
The student work has the following characteristics:
- discerning manipulation of the ways ideas, attitudes and values underpin texts and influence audiences - appropriate use of the ways ideas, attitudes and values underpin texts and influence audiences
- subtle and complex creation of perspectives and representations of concepts, identities, times and places - creation of perspectives and representations of concepts, identities, times and places
- discerning use of aesthetic features to achieve specific purposes in texts. - use of aesthetic features to achieve purposes in texts.
English 2010 Sample assessment instrument and student responses
Queensland Curriculum & Assessment Authority October 2014
Comments
By now, the woman had begun to attract interest. It was
as though a message had rippled through Luna Park;
perhaps the clowns whispered it to the children, the
carousel horses whinnied to their riders, and the giant
mouth shouted for all to hear: “There’s a woman down at
the shooting gallery, weeping. No one can stop her.”
“Look at her,” Jane mused in a low voice. “What has she
got to cry about? Did you see the size of the rock on her
finger?” she added, with little empathy.
The line inched forward. An old woman joined the queue
behind us, a sneer pinching its way across her
parchment-like face as she eyed the woman warily.
“What’s her problem?” she said to no one in particular. “I
tell you, young women today, they think life should be a
fun park.”
Some nodded in agreement, while others looked into the
distance, feigning nonchalance. Though the public
jostled, wriggled and pushed their way around the park, a
wide berth was left around the woman. Still, I noticed that
she had gained the attention of everyone near. I heard
self-righteous whispers.
“Why on earth would she come here, of all places, to sit
and mope?”
“Boyfriend troubles?” sneered another.
“Jason, darling, take the children away. I don’t want them
near her; she probably stole that ring; who knows what
she’s capable of.”
Yet as I watched the sound welling up and cascading
from this poor woman’s body, I realised that she was not
merely crying about an argument with a boyfriend; she
was weeping from the core of her being. Through her
tears, she maintained an infinite gravitas; I sensed that
she wept for neither sorrow nor joy. Her tears told an
ancient, universal story, and we who watched began to
hear the story for ourselves; the story of our deepest
pain, long buried, uncovered by her river of tears. She
was giving us permission to remember.
I was a child of seven, visiting my grandmother in the
nursing home. I kissed her wrinkled cheek; in return, she
asked who I was.
As the woman wept on, disapproving features softened,
faces crumpled. The gift of her weeping spread like a
yawn through the crowd, giving all of us a moment to
grieve, to pause, to remember.
Comments
discerning use of aesthetic features to achieve specific purposes in a short story
discerning manipulation of the ways ideas, attitudes and values underpin the short story and influence magazine audiences
discerning use of punctuation to achieve specific effects
exploitation of genre patterns and conventions of a short story to achieve specific purposes
discerning use of aesthetic features to achieve specific purposes in a short story
subtle and complex creation of perspectives and representations of identities and places
discerning selection, organisation and synthesis of relevant and substantive subject matter to support perspectives
English 2010 Sample assessment instrument and student responses
Queensland Curriculum & Assessment Authority October 2014
Comments
a discerning combination of a range of grammatically accurate language structures for specific effects, including clauses and sentences
manipulation and control of roles of the short story writer and relationship with magazine audiences
The weeping woman’s shoulders rose and fell as she
took a steadying, shuddering breath. The carousel
horses rose and fell, and shuddered to a stop. The ride
attendant stood by the control panel, confusion in her
eyes. Then she wept. A security guard positioned
outside the theatre shuffled his feet. Looking away from
the crowd, he surreptitiously raised a meaty fist to his
eye. But I saw. He wept.
The snivelling little boy ahead of us stepped out. He
walked over to the woman, stood at her feet and stared,
silent now, mouth still slightly agape. His mother moved
toward him and knelt down to meet her son eye-to-eye.
Gently, she wiped his tear-streaked face, and taking his
hand, led him away. There was a glistening in her eyes, a
softening to her mouth.
A sharp jab from Jane brought me back to reality. She
pointed at the weeping woman, who was now standing.
No one spoke. Luna Park froze.
The woman straightened her dress, patted down her hair,
delicately wiped the moisture from beneath her eyes, and
stood tall. She took a deep, steadying breath. Then, with
queenly grace, she walked away from the crowd.
Almost immediately, Luna Park erupted into life. Carnival
music roared, children shrieked, lights flashed. Hands
were brushed hurriedly across wet eyes as memories
receded and faces composed themselves once again. As
if after a rainstorm, colours appeared brighter, more
intense. I felt cleansed, somehow lighter in spirit.
The woman walked purposefully toward the exit, her
dress ballooning gently behind her, carving a silent,
yacht-like progress through the crowd. On she went,
through the great gaping mouth of the fun park.
Comments
discerning manipulation of the ways ideas, attitudes and values underpin the short story and influence magazine audiences
manipulation and control of roles of the short story writer and relationship with magazine audiences
discerning use of aesthetic features to achieve specific purposes in a short story
Short story written in response to ‘An Absolutely Ordinary Rainbow’ by Les Murray.
This sample has been selected because it demonstrates a discerning selection of
relevant and substantive subject matter and a subtle and complex re-creation of the
perspectives and representations of concepts, identities, times and places in the
stimulus poem.
The full text of the poem is reproduced on the next page.
English 2010 Sample assessment instrument and student responses
Queensland Curriculum & Assessment Authority October 2014
Student response — Standard C
The annotations show the match to the instrument-specific standards.
Comments A Last Resort
I walked through the errie mist that had once again crept
over the back streets of Sydney. The distant sounds of
traffic horns and all the city congestion was carried
across this suburb which I call home. It wasn’t much on
the eye, dull brown and faded grey homes with
backyards with just enough room for the old ‘hills hoist’
and a pathway through to the front door. Not your typical
‘aussie backyard’. A stray dog wandered across the
lonely road ahead just as I reached the rusted front gate
to our house. It stopped and dropped a dark grey object
at its feet. It looked at me with its deceitful black eyes as
though it were sizing me up. Its strange presence made
me shudder. As I looked away, it started barking.
‘Stupid dog’ I thought, and continued through the gate
and into the home.
After a long day at school, most teenagers would be
happy go home. However it was a different story for me.
When I was young, too young to remember, mum told me
I lost Gary my dad in a terrible car accident while he was
driving under the influence. And for that, I hated him. He
left my mum to take care of me. Single handedly raise
me while still providing the rent for the house and my
education. It wasn’t until I was thirteen that I found out
. That’s when I had to take up a night job at the local
servo to help pay for my education.
The familiar as I opened the front door. I
could hear mum’s recognizable cough echo through the
house. I stormed down the hallway to the
lounge room.
“What the hell are you doing’ home?” slurred mum as she
gave a quick glance towards me.
“School’s over mum. I finish at three, same as every day.
What the hell are you doing,” I yelled as I snatched
, “you can’t go on like this. We don’t have the
money!”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” she replied.
I didn’t want to handle this. I didn’t have to handle this. I
could feel the anger being bottled up inside me. I decided
to leave before this argument escalated. I stormed out of
the room, passed the rubbish bin where I disposed of
, and then into my bedroom.
Comments
use of genre patterns and conventions of a short story to achieve purposes
use of suitable vocabulary for purposes use of genre patterns and conventions of a short story to achieve purposes
English 2010 Sample assessment instrument and student responses
Queensland Curriculum & Assessment Authority October 2014
Comments
Collapsing on my bed, my mind raged at the fact that we
literally had no money, and all my mum could do was.
I could hear a rattle back in the kitchen, where I knew
mum was searching the garbage for I took from
her. I rolled in my bed in disgust, only to discover a
couple of letters sitting on the edge. The first one was an
average white envelope with the school emblem printed
on the top right corner on the front of the envelope and
addressed to me. It’s about the upcoming formal that I
knew I couldn’t go to. The one underneath was similar,
but it had a big red stamp across the front reading FINAL
NOTICE. I tore open the letter to find that mum was yet
to pay the electricity bill. That was the final straw. My
rage was overflowing. I got up and kicked my door open
and made my way outside.
Walking back out onto the streets, I tried my hardest to
slam the rusted gate, but it only moved a few inches. I
crossed the street and felt eyes gazing down my back. I
stopped in the middle of the road and looked back at the
house, thinking it was mum staring out of the window.
There was no one peeking through the curtains, not even
any of the neighbours were disturbed by our fight. I
scanned the street only to find the same stray dog, sitting
in the gutter five metres from me. It cheerfully barked and
picked up an old tennis ball and trotted over to. It
dropped the dusty ball at my feet, I could now see how
terribly flea infested the dogs fur was.
“No wonder you’re homeless. What right-minded person
would want to keep you?” I said.
Still outraged by the earlier proceedings, I decided to
tease the dog. I picked up a rock, swapped hands with
the rock and the old ball, and threw the rock down the
street as far as I could. It took the bait and went off down
the street chasing the rock.
“Stupid dog. Ugly and dumb.” I chuckled to myself and I
put the ball in the pocket of my parka hood and started
walking in the other direction.
I wandered the street aimlessly for hours, trying to gather
my thoughts. I ended up sitting on a park bench under
the dim light of a close street light. I realised that the job I
had wasn’t going to pay for my education and the bills. I
had to find another source of income. At this very
moment, a very impatient business man came and sat
next to me. He was fruitlessly searching his pockets for
something.
“Where is that bloody thing,” he muttered to himself.
He started unloading his pockets, looking for something
deep within the depths of his business jacket. On the
seat he put some small reminders, business cards, and
then, his wallet. It was overflowing with cash. I stared at
it, and then came to the poor decision to take it. I took it
and run. Ran like there was no tomorrow. I could hear the
shouts coming from the man.
Comments
appropriate use of the ways ideas, attitudes and values underpin the short story and influence magazine audiences
use of cohesive devices to link ideas and connect parts of the short story, including paragraphing
selection, sequencing and organisation of relevant subject matter to support perspectives
use of a range of mostly grammatically accurate language structures to achieve purposes, including clauses and sentences
selection, sequencing and organisation of relevant subject matter to support perspectives
creation of perspectives and representations of concepts, identities, times and places
creation of perspectives and representations of identities
