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Much Ado About Nothing
by William Shakespeare (abridged by Farrar) Cast BENEDICK, A lord and soldier from Padua; companion of Don Pedro DON PEDRO, Prince of Aragon. DON JOHN, the half-brother of Don Pedro. CLAUDIO, of Florence; a count, companion of Don Pedro, friend to Benedick. LEONATO, governor of Messina; Hero's father. ANTONIO, brother of Leonato. BORACHIO, follower of Don John. CONRADE, follower of Don John. BEATRICE, niece of Leonato and daughter of Antonio HERO, daughter of Leonato MARGARET, waiting-gentlewoman attendant on Hero. URSULA, waiting-gentlewoman attendant on Hero. DOGBERRY, the constable in charge of Messina's night watch. VERGES, the Headborough, Dogberry's partner FRIAR FRANCIS, a priest. SEXTON, the judge of the trial of Borachio FIRST WATCHMAN, a watchmen of Messina SECOND WATCHMAN, another watchman of Messina MESSENGER, in service of Leonato
ACT I
SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house. Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a Messenger LEONATO I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon comes this night to Messina and hath bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio. MESSENGER He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age. LEONATO He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much glad of it. BEATRICE I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the wars or no? MESSENGER I know none of that name, lady. HERO My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua. MESSENGER O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was. LEONATO Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not. MESSENGER He was a good soldier, lady. BEATRICE And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord? MESSENGER A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all honourable virtues. BEATRICE It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man: but for the stuffing,--well, we are all mortal.
BENEDICK
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living? BEATRICE Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come in her presence. BENEDICK Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none. BEATRICE A dear happiness to women. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me. BENEDICK God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate scratched face. BEATRICE Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such a face as yours were. DON PEDRO Signior Claudio and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all to stay here at the least a month. I dare swear he is no hypocrite, but prays from his heart. LEONATO If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn. To DON JOHN Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to the prince your brother, I owe you all duty. DON JOHN I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank you. LEONATO Please it your grace lead on?
Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO CLAUDIO Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato? BENEDICK I noted her not; but I looked on her. CLAUDIO Is she not a modest young lady? BENEDICK Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little for a great praise. I do not like her. CLAUDIO In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I looked on. BENEDICK I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such matter. But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you? CLAUDIO I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the contrary, if Hero would be my wife. Re-enter DON PEDRO DON PEDRO What secret hath held you here? BENEDICK He is in love with Hero, Leonato's short daughter. DON PEDRO Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy. CLAUDIO That I love her, I feel. DON PEDRO That she is worthy, I know. BENEDICK I neither feel how she should be loved nor know how she should be worthy.
disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob love from any. Yea, my brother trusts me, but with a muzzle; therefore I have decreed not to sing in my cage. CONRADE Can you make no use of your discontent? Enter BORACHIO What news, Borachio? BORACHIO I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage. DON JOHN Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? BORACHIO Marry, it is your brother's right hand. DON JOHN Who? the most exquisite Claudio? BORACHIO He wishes to marry Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato. I heard it agreed upon that the prince should woo Hero for himself, and having obtained her, give her to Count Claudio. DON JOHN This may prove food to my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of my overthrow: if I can cross him any way, I bless myself every way. You are both sure, and will assist me? CONRADE To the death, my lord. Exeunt
ACT II
SCENE I. A hall in LEONATO'S house. Enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, and others LEONATO Was not Count John here at supper? ANTONIO I saw him not. HERO He is of a very melancholy disposition. BEATRICE How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I am heart-burned an hour after. LEONATO By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband, if thou be so shrewd of thy tongue. ANTONIO In faith, she's too curst. BEATRICE I pray upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I could not endure a husband with a beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen. ANTONIO You may light on a husband that hath no beard. BEATRICE What should I do with him? Dress him in my apparel and make him my waiting-gentlewoman? ANTONIO Well, daughter, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband. BEATRICE Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. No, uncle, I'll none. LEONATO Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer. HERO
I know you well enough; you are Signior Antonio. ANTONIO At a word, I am not. URSULA I know you by the waggling of your head. ANTONIO To tell you true, I counterfeit him. Exit Ursula and Antonio BEATRICE Will you not tell me who you are or who told you? BENEDICK Not now. BEATRICE Well this must have been Signior Benedick that said so. BENEDICK What's he? BEATRICE I am sure you know him well enough. BENEDICK Not I, believe me. BEATRICE Did he never make you laugh? BENEDICK I pray you, what is he? BEATRICE Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool. BENEDICK When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say. BEATRICE Do, do. Music Exeunt all except DON JOHN, BORACHIO, and CLAUDIO
BORACHIO
Claudio remains: I know him by his bearing. DON JOHN Are not you Signior Benedick? CLAUDIO You know me well; I am he. DON JOHN Signior, you are very near my brother in his love: he is enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him from her. CLAUDIO How know you he loves her? DON JOHN I heard him swear his affection. BORACHIO So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night. Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO CLAUDIO Thus answer I in the name of Benedick, But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio. 'Tis certain so; the prince wooes for himself. Friendship is constant in all other things Save in the office and affairs of love. Farewell, therefore, Hero! Re-enter BENEDICK BENEDICK Count Claudio? Come, will you go with me? The prince hath got your Hero. CLAUDIO I wish him joy of her. BENEDICK But did you think the prince would have served you thus? CLAUDIO
CLAUDIO
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy, if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours. BEATRICE Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss, and let not him speak neither. DON PEDRO In faith, lady, you have a merry heart. BEATRICE Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes every one to the world but I, and I am sunburnt; I may sit in a corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband! DON PEDRO Lady Beatrice, I will get you one. Will you have me? BEATRICE No, my lord, unless I might have another for working-days: your grace is too costly to wear every day. LEONATO Niece, will you look to those things I told you of? BEATRICE I cry you mercy, uncle. By your grace's pardon. Exit DON PEDRO By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady. But she cannot endure to hear tell of a husband. LEONATO O, by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit. DON PEDRO She were an excellent wife for Benedict. LEONATO O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, they would talk themselves mad. DON PEDRO
I will undertake one of Hercules' labours; which is, to bring Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of affection the one with the other. LEONATO My lord, I am for you. CLAUDIO And I, my lord. DON PEDRO And you too, gentle Hero? HERO I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a good husband. DON PEDRO If we can do this, Cupid is no longer an archer: his glory shall be ours, for we are the only love-gods. Exeunt SCENE II. The same. Enter DON JOHN and BORACHIO DON JOHN It is so; the Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of Leonato. BORACHIO Yea, my lord; but I can cross it. DON JOHN How canst thou cross this marriage? BORACHIO I think I told your lordship a year since, how much I am in the favour of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to Hero. I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night, appoint her to look out at her lady's chamber window. DON JOHN What life is in that, to be the death of this marriage?
LEONATO
What effects, my lord? You heard my daughter tell you how. DON PEDRO I would have I thought her spirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection. LEONATO I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially against Benedick. BENEDICK I should think this a gull, but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it. CLAUDIO He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up. DON PEDRO Hath she made her affection known to Benedick? LEONATO No; and swears she never will: that's her torment. She wrote him of her love but tore the letter into a thousand halfpence; railed at herself, that she should be so immodest. CLAUDIO Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; 'O sweet Benedick! DON PEDRO It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she will not discover it. CLAUDIO To what end? He would make but a sport of it and torment the poor lady worse. DON PEDRO An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an excellent sweet lady and virtuous. CLAUDIO And she is exceeding wise. DON PEDRO In every thing but in loving Benedick.
CLAUDIO
Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she will die, if he love her not, and she will die, ere she make her love known, and she will die, if he woo her, rather than she will bate one breath of her accustomed crossness. DON PEDRO Shall we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love? CLAUDIO Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with good counsel. LEONATO Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first. DON PEDRO I love Benedick well; and I could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see how much he is unworthy so good a lady. CLAUDIO If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never trust my expectation. DON PEDRO Let there be the same net spread for her; and that must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO BENEDICK [Coming forward] This can be no trick: the conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it seems her affections have their full bent. Love me! I did never think to marry. I have railed so long against marriage: but doth not the appetite alter? Here comes Beatrice. By this day! she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in her. Enter BEATRICE BEATRICE Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.
ACT III
SCENE I. LEONATO'S garden. Enter HERO, MARGARET, and URSULA HERO Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor; Tell Beatrice I and Ursula Walk in the orchard and our whole discourse Is all of her. MARGARET I'll make her come. Exit HERO Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, Our talk must only be of Benedick. When I do name him, let it be thy part To praise him more than ever man did merit: My talk to thee must be how Benedick Is sick in love with Beatrice. Enter BEATRICE, behind Now begin. URSULA Are you sure that Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely? HERO So says the prince and my new-trothed lord. They did entreat me to acquaint her of it; But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick, To wish him wrestle with affection, And never to let Beatrice know of it. URSULA Why did you so? HERO Nature never framed a woman's heart Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice; Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes, Misprising what they look on, and her wit Values itself so highly that to her All matter else seems weak: she cannot love.
URSULA
If knew his love, she would make sport at it. HERO And who dare tell her so? If I should speak, She would mock me into air URSULA Yet tell her of it: hear what she will say. HERO No; rather I will go to Benedick And counsel him to fight against his passion. URSULA She cannot be so much without true judgment-- Having so swift and excellent a wit As she is prized to have--as to refuse So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick. HERO Indeed, he hath an excellent good name. URSULA We have caught her, madam. HERO If it proves so, then loving goes by haps: Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps. Exeunt HERO and URSULA BEATRICE What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much? And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee, Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand. Exit SCENE II. A room in LEONATO'S house Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and LEONATO CLAUDIO I hope he be in love. DON PEDRO
