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Topic
The chart below shows the number of households in US by their annual income in 2007, 2011 and 2015.
Your Response
The bar chart illustrates the gross earnings of US households, with 5 different income segments, in 2007, 2011 and 2015. Units are measured in millions of households. Overall, every segment stayed approximately the same expect the "$100,000 or more" range, which increased from 2007 to 2015. Among the other 4 relatively lower income ranges, $75,000 to $99, fraction was the lowest while $25,000 to $49,999 fraction had the highest number of US households. The number of US households which had an income of $100,000 or more was just under 30 million in
- This figure rose to around 32 million in 2015, right after a minor drop in 2011. Additionally, this income range was dominant to others in 2007 and 2015. In 2011, however, it was the 3rd most figure. Looking at more stable ranges, which are between "less than $25,000" and "$75,000-$99,999", the number of households that earn from $25,000 to $49,999 is not just approximately 26 million but also the highest amongst these stable ones. Furthermore, the ranking of the other ranges is as follows: 2nd is "less than $25,000" wlth 25 million, 3rd is $50,000-$74,999 by slightly more than 20 million, and, finally, the 4th is $75,000-$99,999 with a figure of about 15 million. Lastly, this ranking, only with small ups and downs in numbers, doesn't change throughout the period.
Correct Grammar Errors
The bar chart illustrates the gross earnings of US households, with 5 different income segments, in 2007, 2011, and 2015. Units are measured in millions of households.
Overall, every segment stayed approximately the same expectexcept the "$100,000 or more" range, which increased from 2007 to 2015. Among the other 4 relatively lower income ranges, the $75,000 to $99,999 fractionrange was the lowest, while the $25,000 to $49,999 fractionrange had the highest number of US households. The number of US households which had an income of $100,000 or more was just under 30 million in
- This figure rose to around 32 million in 2015, right after a minor drop in 2011. Additionally, this income range was dominant compared to others in 2007 and 2015. In 2011, however, it was the 3rd mosthighest figure. Looking at more stable ranges, which are between "less than $25,000" and "$75,000-$99,999", the number of households that earn from $25,000 to $49,999 is not just approximately 26 million but also the highest amongst these stable ones. Furthermore, the ranking of the other ranges is as follows: 2nd is "less than $25,000" wlthwith 25 million, 3rd is $50,000-$74,999 by slightly more than 20 million, and, finally, the 4th is $75,000-$99,999 with a figure of about 15 million. Lastly, this ranking, only with small ups and downs in numbers, doesn'tdidn't change throughout the period.
Improve Word Choice
The bar chart illustratesdepicts the gross earningsincomes of US households, with 5 different income segments, in 2007, 2011 and 2015. Units are measured in millions of households. Overall, every segment stayed approximately the same expectexcept the "$100,000 or more" range, which increased from 2007 to 2015. Among the other 4 relatively lower income ranges, $75,000 to $99,999 fractionportion was the lowest while $25,000 to $49,999 fractionportion had the highest number of US households. The number of US households which had an income of $100,000 or more was just under 30 million in
- This figureamount rose to around 32 million in 2015, right after a minor dropdecline in 2011. Additionally, this income range was dominantpredominant to others in 2007 and 2015. In 2011, however, it was the 3rd most common figure. Looking at more stableconsistent ranges, which are between "less than $25,000" and "$75,000- $99,999", the number of households that earn from $25,000 to $49,999 is not just approximately 26 million but also the highestgreatest amongst these stable ones. Furthermore, the rankingorder of the other ranges is as follows: 2nd is "less than $25,000" wlth 25 million, 3rd is $50,000-$74,999 by slightly more than 20 million, and, finally, the 4th is $75,000-$99,999 with a figurevalue of about 15 million. Lastly, this ranking,order, only with small ups and downs in numbers, doesn't change throughout the period.
Estimated Band Score.
Task Response (TR): 7.
The essay addresses the prompt by describing the provided bar chart. It attempts to highlight key trends, such as the increase in the highest income bracket and the relative stability of others.
Est. Overall Band Score: 7.
Detailed Assessment
Improve Each Paragraph
INTRODUCTION
"The bar chart illustrates the gross earnings of US households, with 5 different income segments, in 2007, 2011 and 2015. Units are measured in millions of households."
Comments.
โ Task Response/Task Achievement: The introduction is adequate but could be more specific. It identifies the type of chart and the general topic. To improve, mention the parameters being compared (income levels and years). โ Coherence & Cohesion: The introduction clearly states what the chart shows. A minor improvement could be adding a brief overview of the trends to link it better with the subsequent paragraphs. โ Grammatical Range & Accuracy: The grammar is accurate. โ Lexical Resource: "Gross earnings" is a slightly less common phrase. Consider using "annual income" for clarity.
How to rewrite.
"The bar chart illustrates the annual income of US households across five different income brackets in 2007, 2011, and 2015, with figures measured in millions of households."
OVERVIEW
"Overall, every segment stayed approximately the same expect the "$100,000 or more" range, which increased from 2007 to 2015. Among the other 4 relatively lower income ranges, $75,000 to $99, fraction was the lowest while $25,000 to $49,999 fraction had the highest number of US households."
Comments.
โ Task Response/Task Achievement: The overview identifies the key trend (increase in the highest income bracket) but lacks precision. The statement about the other income ranges is generally accurate but could be more nuanced by pointing out the specific years when "$25,000 to $49,999" was highest. โ Coherence & Cohesion: The paragraph presents a general overview but could benefit from clearer signposting. For instance, starting with an explicit phrase like "Overall, it is noticeable that..." โ Grammatical Range & Accuracy: "Expect" should be "except". "Fraction" is not the most appropriate word; consider "proportion" or "group". โ Lexical Resource: You could use a synonym for "increased," such as "grew" or "rose".
How to rewrite.
"Overall, it is noticeable that nearly all segments remained relatively stable, except for the "$100, or more" range, which saw a significant increase between 2007 and 2015. Among the other four income brackets, the "$75,000 to $99,999" group consistently represented the smallest proportion of households, while the "$25,000 to $49,999" group contained the largest." BODY PARAGRAPH 1 "The number of US households which had an income of $100,000 or more was just under 30 million in 2007. This figure rose to around 32 million in 2015, right after a minor drop in 2011. Additionally, this income range was dominant to others in 2007 and 2015. In 2011, however, it was the 3rd most figure."
Comments.
โ Task Response/Task Achievement: The paragraph presents data about the highest income bracket. However, the figure of "32 million in 2015" is incorrect based on the data provided (it should be 34 million). Also, "3rd most figure" is awkward and unclear. โ Coherence & Cohesion: The paragraph is generally coherent, but "Additionally" feels somewhat weak as a connector. โ Grammatical Range & Accuracy: The phrase "dominant to others" is not idiomatic; consider "dominant compared to others". โ Lexical Resource: Replace "3rd most figure" with "third highest".
How to rewrite.
"In 2007, the number of US households with an income of $100,000 or more was just under 30 million. This number increased to approximately 34 million in 2015, following a slight decrease in
2011. This income bracket was the largest in both 2007 and 2015. However, in 2011, it was the third highest." BODY PARAGRAPH 2 "Looking at more stable ranges, which are between "less than $25,000" and "$75,000-$99,999", the number of households that earn from $25,000 to $49,999 is not just approximately 26 million but also the highest amongst these stable ones. Furthermore, the ranking of the other ranges is as follows: 2nd is "less than $25,000" wlth 25 million, 3rd is $50,000-$74,999 by slightly more than 20 million, and, finally, the 4th is $75,000-$99,999 with a figure of about 15 million. Lastly, this ranking, only with small ups and downs in numbers, doesn't change throughout the period."
Comments.
โ Task Response/Task Achievement: The paragraph attempts to describe the trends in the lower income ranges. The phrase "more stable ranges" is a bit vague and subjective. The figures are not all accurate across all years (e.g., the "$25,000 to $49,999" bracket is not consistently around 26 million). The statement about the ranking remaining unchanged is not entirely accurate either. โ Coherence & Cohesion: The paragraph feels somewhat disjointed. The use of "Furthermore" and "Lastly" is repetitive. โ Grammatical Range & Accuracy: "wlth" is a typo and should be "with."
Relevant Vocabulary
New Word Word Type Definition Disparity Noun A great difference. Plateau Verb To reach a state of little or no change. Fluctuate Verb To rise and fall irregularly. Predominant Adjective Most common or conspicuous. Stagnant Adjective Showing no activity; dull and sluggish. Increment Noun An increase or addition. Proportion Noun A part, share, or number considered in comparison. Diminish Verb Make or become less. Substantial Adjective Of considerable importance, size, or worth. Redistribution Noun The distribution of something in a different way.
Diversify Sentence Structures
Grammar Structure Original Sentence Rephrased Sentence Inversion with "Not only... but also..." The number of households that earn from $25,000 to $49, is not just approximately 26 million but also the highest amongst these stable ones. Not only did the number of households earning between $25,000 and $49,999 reach approximately 26 million, but it was also the highest among these stable brackets. Starting with a participle phrase Looking at more stable ranges, which are between "less than $25,000" and "$75,000- $99,999",... Considering the more stable ranges between "less than $25,000" and "$75,000- $99,999",... Using a relative clause with "which" to add information Overall, every segment stayed approximately the same expect the "$100,000 or more" range, which increased from 2007 to
Overall, every segment stayed approximately the same, with the exception of the "$100, or more" range, which saw an increase from 2007 to 2015. Using a compound sentence This figure rose to around 32 This figure rose to around 32
with a semicolon million in 2015, right after a minor drop in 2011. million in 2015; this followed a minor drop in 2011. Using a conditional clause The ranking of the other ranges is as follows. Were we to rank the other ranges, it would be as follows.
Improve Cohesion
Original Text Improved Text Explanation The number of US households which had an income of $100,000 or more was just under 30 million in 2007. This figure rose to around 32 million in 2015... The number of US households with an income of $100,000 or more was just under 30 million in 2007. Subsequently, this figure rose to around 32 million in 2015... "Subsequently" provides a clearer sense of chronological progression than "This." Additionally, this income range was dominant to others in 2007 and 2015. In 2011, however , it was the 3rd most figure. Additionally, this income range was dominant compared to others in 2007 and 2015. Nevertheless , in 2011, it was the 3rd highest. "Nevertheless" indicates a stronger contrast than "however", making the shift in information more apparent. The number of households that earn from $25,000 to $49, is not just approximately 26 million but also the highest amongst these stable ones. The number of households that earn from $25,000 to $49, is not only approximately 26 million but it was also the highest amongst these stable ones. Adding "it was also" improves the parallelism and clarity of the sentence. Furthermore, the ranking of the other ranges is as follows: 2nd is "less than $25,000" wlth 25 million, 3rd is $50,000-$74, by slightly more than 20 million, and , finally, the 4th is $75,000- $99,999 with a figure of about 15 million. Furthermore, the ranking of the other ranges is as follows: 2nd is "less than $25,000" wlth 25 million, 3rd is $50,000-$74, by slightly more than 20 million; finally , the 4th is $75,000- $99,999 with a figure of about 15 million. Using a semicolon before "finally" creates a clearer separation between the enumerated points, improving readability. Lastly, this ranking, only with small ups and downs in numbers, doesn't change throughout the period. Lastly, this ranking, even with small ups and downs in numbers, did not significantly change throughout the period. Using "did not significantly change" adds emphasis and more precise information.
relationship, characterized by minor numerical variations, persisted throughout the examined timeframe, highlighting a degree of stability in the lower to middle income distribution.
