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Topic
The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced.
Your Response
The diagram illustrates the steps of the production cycle of ethanol which is a type of biofuel. The steps include organic and synthetic methods. Overall, ethanol is made by the substances that are made from the energy coming from sunlight and the atoms of carbon dioxide molecule, which also completes the cycle. The cycle has 9 steps and involves various types of chemical and physical processing methods. First, in order to be harvested by farmers, the vegetation uses the sunlight and carbon dioxide to grow. The plant parts collected then goes through a step that breaks them into smaller bits, this allows the Cellulose to be extracted. By going through several chemical reactions, Cellulose turns into sugar. After that, microbes are added to this sugary substance to produce ethanol. The ethanol made by the microbes then gets separated and used as a biofuel in varying kinds of transportation vehicles such as cars, trucks and planes. While the engines inside these machines
burns the ethanol, carbon dioxide is emitted to the atmosphere as a by-product, completing the cycle.
Correct Grammar Errors
The diagram illustrates the steps of the production cycle of ethanol, which is a type of biofuel. The steps include organic and synthetic methods. Overall, ethanol is made by thefrom substances that are made fromusing the energy coming from sunlight and the atoms ofin a carbon dioxide molecule, which also completes the cycle. The cycle has 9 steps and involves various types of chemical and physical processing methods. First, in order to be harvested by farmers, the vegetation uses the sunlight and carbon dioxide to grow. The plant parts collected then goesgo through a step that breaks them into smaller bits,bits; this allows the Cellulose to be extracted. By going through several chemical reactions, Cellulose turns into sugar. After that, microbes are added to this sugary substance to produce ethanol. The ethanol made by the microbes then gets separated and used as a biofuel in varying kinds of transportation vehicles such as cars, trucks, and planes. While the engines inside these machines burnsburn the ethanol, carbon dioxide is emitted tointo the atmosphere as a by-product, completing the cycle.
Estimated Band Score.
Task Response (TR): 7.
The response effectively addresses the prompt by outlining the process of ethanol production. Key stages such as plant growth, harvesting, pre-processing, and fermentation are identified and described. The overall cycle, including carbon dioxide emissions, is also mentioned. However, the description could be more detailed in certain areas, and the distinction between organic and synthetic methods, mentioned in the introduction, is not elaborated upon in the body paragraphs. โ Relevance to Prompt: 7 โ Key Data Selection: 7 โ Depth of Ideas: 6 โ Appropriateness of Format: 7 โ Data Accuracy: 7 โ Appropriate Word Count: 9
Coherence & Cohesion (CC): 7.
The essay is generally well-organised, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Paragraphing is appropriate, separating the initial growth and harvesting stages from the later processing and usage. Cohesive devices like 'First', 'After that', and 'While' are used effectively to link ideas. However, the connection between the introduction's mention of 'organic and synthetic methods' and the subsequent description of the process could be stronger. โ Logical Organization: 7
How to rewrite.
"The diagram illustrates the process of ethanol production, a type of biofuel. The process involves a series of steps, beginning with the cultivation of plants and culminating in the use of ethanol as fuel." OVERVIEW "Overall, ethanol is made by the substances that are made from the energy coming from sunlight and the atoms of carbon dioxide molecule, which also completes the cycle. The cycle has 9 steps and involves various types of chemical and physical processing methods."
Comments.
โ Task Response/Task Achievement: The overview is somewhat vague and unclear. The phrase "ethanol is made by the substances that are made from the energy" is convoluted. It does mention the cycle involves chemical and physical processing but lacks specifics. The overview needs to clearly state the initial inputs and the final output. โ Coherence & Cohesion: The paragraph lacks clarity and precision. The connection between the initial statement and the description of the cycle is weak. The ideas are not logically connected. โ Grammatical Range & Accuracy: The sentence structure is awkward and could be simplified for better clarity. For example, "The cycle comprises 9 steps and uses various chemical and physical processing methods." โ Lexical Resource: The vocabulary is imprecise. Replace general terms like "substances" with more specific terms like "biomass".
How to rewrite.
"Overall, the process begins with plants using sunlight and carbon dioxide to create biomass, which is then converted into ethanol through a series of nine steps involving chemical and physical processes. The combustion of ethanol as fuel releases carbon dioxide, completing the cycle." BODY PARAGRAPH 1 "First, in order to be harvested by farmers, the vegetation uses the sunlight and carbon dioxide to grow. The plant parts collected then goes through a step that breaks them into smaller bits, this allows the Cellulose to be extracted. By going through several chemical reactions, Cellulose turns into sugar. After that, microbes are added to this sugary substance to produce ethanol."
Comments.
โ Task Response/Task Achievement: This paragraph describes the initial stages of the process but contains inaccuracies. The phrase "in order to be harvested by farmers, the vegetation uses sunlight and carbon dioxide to grow" is oddly phrased. The paragraph also lacks specific details about the types of plants used or the specific chemical reactions involved. โ Coherence & Cohesion: The paragraph is somewhat disjointed. The transition between the growth of vegetation and the pre-processing stage is abrupt. The use of "this allows" is informal. โ Grammatical Range & Accuracy: There are grammatical errors such as "goes through" (should be "go through" or "undergoes").
โ Lexical Resource: The vocabulary is basic and could be more precise. For example, instead of "smaller bits," use "smaller particles" or "pulp."
How to rewrite.
"Initially, plants utilise sunlight and carbon dioxide to grow. These plants are then harvested, and the harvested biomass undergoes pre-processing to break it down into smaller particles, facilitating the extraction of cellulose. Subsequently, the cellulose undergoes a series of chemical reactions to convert it into sugars. Finally, microbes are added to these sugars to initiate fermentation, resulting in the production of ethanol." BODY PARAGRAPH 2 "The ethanol made by the microbes then gets separated and used as a biofuel in varying kinds of transportation vehicles such as cars, trucks and planes. While the engines inside these machines burns the ethanol, carbon dioxide is emitted to the atmosphere as a by-product, completing the cycle."
Comments.
โ Task Response/Task Achievement: This paragraph describes the later stages of the process. It mentions the use of ethanol as fuel and the emission of carbon dioxide. โ Coherence & Cohesion: The paragraph is generally coherent but could benefit from a clearer connection between the separation of ethanol and its usage as fuel. โ Grammatical Range & Accuracy: The grammar is generally accurate. โ Lexical Resource: The vocabulary is adequate but could be more varied.
How to rewrite.
"The ethanol produced through fermentation is then separated and purified for use as a biofuel in various transportation vehicles, including cars, trucks, and aeroplanes. During combustion in these vehicles, the ethanol releases energy and emits carbon dioxide as a by-product, thereby completing the cycle."
Improve Structure & Argument
TASK TYPE. Report: Process Diagram KEY TIPS. โ Provide an overview: Start by summarizing the entire process in one or two sentences. This gives the reader a clear understanding of the big picture before diving into the details. โ Use sequence words: Use words like "first," "then," "next," "after that," and "finally" to clearly indicate the order of the steps in the process. โ Use the passive voice: Since the focus is on the process rather than the actors, use the passive voice to describe the steps. For example, "The cellulose is extracted" instead of "Farmers extract the cellulose."
Combustion Noun The process of burning something. Cellulose Noun A structural component of plant cell walls. Cultivation Noun The process of growing plants. Distillation Noun The process of purifying a liquid. Hydrolysis Noun A chemical reaction involving water. Renewable Adjective Able to be replenished naturally. Sustainable Adjective Able to be maintained at a certain rate. Conversion Noun The process of changing something.
Diversify Sentence Structures
Grammar Structure Original Sentence Rephrased Sentence Passive Voice: be + past participle The ethanol made by the microbes then gets separated and used as a biofuel The ethanol produced by the microbes is then separated and used as a biofuel. Complex Sentence (Adverbial Clause): Although
- subject + verb, subject + verb While the engines inside these machines burns the ethanol, carbon dioxide is emitted to the atmosphere as a by-product Although the engines inside these machines burn the ethanol, carbon dioxide is emitted to the atmosphere as a by-product. Present Participle Phrase: Verb-ing + object The cycle has 9 steps and involves various types of chemical and physical processing methods. The cycle, involving various types of chemical and physical processing methods, has 9 steps. Infinitive Phrase: To + verb First, in order to be harvested by farmers, the vegetation uses the sunlight and carbon dioxide to grow. First, to grow and be harvested by farmers, the vegetation uses sunlight and carbon dioxide. Compound Sentence: Independent clause + conjunction + independent clause The plant parts collected then goes through a step that breaks them into smaller bits, this allows the Cellulose to be extracted. The plant parts collected then go through a step that breaks them into smaller bits, which allows the Cellulose to be extracted.
Improve Cohesion
Original Text Improved Text Explanation The plant parts collected then goes through a step that breaks them into smaller bits, this allows the Cellulose to be extracted. The plant parts collected then go through a step that breaks them into smaller bits, thereby allowing the Cellulose to be extracted. "Thereby" provides a more formal and precise connection between the action and its result. After that, microbes are added to this sugary substance to produce ethanol. Subsequently, microbes are added to this sugary substance in order to produce ethanol. "In order to" clearly indicates the purpose of adding microbes, enhancing the logical flow. While the engines inside these machines burns the ethanol, carbon dioxide is emitted to the atmosphere as a by-product, completing the cycle. As the engines inside these machines burn the ethanol, carbon dioxide is emitted into the atmosphere as a by- product, completing the cycle. Replacing "to" with "into" provides a more accurate description of where the carbon dioxide is emitted. The diagram illustrates the steps of the production cycle of ethanol which is a type of biofuel. The diagram illustrates the steps of the production cycle of ethanol, a type of biofuel. Removing "which" makes the sentence more concise and direct, improving readability. The cycle has 9 steps and involves various types of chemical and physical processing methods. The cycle has 9 steps and it involves various types of chemical and physical processing methods. Adding "it" after "and" helps to ensure clarity and avoid potential ambiguity.
Model Essays
Revised Essay.
Vocabulary Level: Band 5.5โ6.5 (Intermediate).
The diagram shows how ethanol, a type of biofuel, is produced. The process includes both natural and industrial steps. Overall, ethanol production starts with plants using sunlight and carbon dioxide, and it ends with carbon dioxide being released back into the atmosphere, making it a cycle. The process has several steps and uses different methods to change the materials. First, plants grow by using sunlight and carbon dioxide. Farmers harvest these plants. Then, the harvested plants are broken down into smaller pieces to extract the cellulose. This cellulose is then changed into sugars through some chemical processes. After that, microbes are added to these sugars to create ethanol.
