Interpersonal Relationships and Communication, Exams of Advanced Education

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CMS 315M Interpersonal

Communication: Test #2: Dr. Daly

Pick-Ups and Love: stages of pickups - Answer- 1. assess qualifiers: What makes him attractive: 2 parts 2.assess avaliablility: They have to be avaliable to want to meet

3. Find an Opener: 3 parts
4. Find an integrated topic
5. Present a better self: Positive version of yourself
6. Schedule a second encounter Stages of pick ups: Find an Opener: What are 3 types of openers? - Answer- 1. Innocuous: Can you pass me that drink
7. Fillipant: Sound good when drunk
8. Direct ApproachL Hello, want to meet up tonight (men initiate more then woman, but when "in control", there) Stages of pick ups: Access Qualifiers: What are 2 types of qualifiers? - Answer- 1. extraordinary: things that they have that others don't (olympic medal)
9. esoteric: things that people don't know about them (unusual language) Pick-Ups and love: What are three types of love, and what are there parts? - Answer- 1. Passionate -Altriusm: Do anything for them -Attractiveness: you view them as more attractive
10. Companionate: bestfriend: -respect -congeniality: Good with eachother, make eachother
11. Committment: for better or for worse, take care of them no matter what:

• Fidelity-faithful -Responsibility: you have to What are correlates of falling in love? (5 parts) - Answer- 1. Romanticism: unrealistic beliefs about a relationship

2. Love experiences: Woman usually have more
3. Timing: men usually fall in love first, woman have to be more careful because pf pregnancy
4. Physical attraction matters: men are harsher to judge woman

5. Partner idealization: Woman idealize partner longer for a longer period of time What are ways to make love stick? 3 ways - Answer- 1. Positive illusions matter: may not be true but convinced it's true: woman have stronger positive illusions. men only have positive illusions if they're committed
6. Respect and Trust: You don't need to like someone, but you need to see where they're coming from and rrspect them
7. Continued engagement: continuously work on a relationship to make it last What are 4 ways we can link sex? - Answer- 1. Sex and Communication
8. Sex and Romance
9. Sex and Life Span
10. Gender differences and sex Explain Sex and Communication: - Answer- Talk about likes and dislikes, better sexual relationship = better overall satisfaction. Talking abotu sex is good. Explain Sex and Romance - Answer- Sexual intimacy and desire for frequent sex. Having more sex won't make relationship better bc increased frequency led to a decline in enjoyment: Monogamy: Makes sex more comfortable Sexual satisfaction: Martitial satisfaction Explain sex and life span - Answer- -many have little or no sex -frequency decreases -no decrease in satisfaction with sex -children and frequency of sex, children ruin sex Explain Gender differences and sex - Answer- in general, men and woman view sex differently Why do people have regrets about sex? (6) - Answer- 1. inconsistent with morals
11. alochol influenced decisions
12. realized they didn't want to same thing as their partner
13. failed to use a condom
14. felt pressured by partner
15. had planned to wait until marriage What are two types of shyness? - Answer- 1. Dispositional: shy all the time, it's a trait
16. Situational: everyone experiences this type of shyness based on their setting What are correlates of dispositional shyness? (3) - Answer- 1. Educational
17. Occupational
18. Relational

Explain educational shyness correlate: - Answer- shy people are placed in school reading groups because shyness "affects" their reading ability. Shyer people are given poorer grades: shyness apparently goes hand in hand with academic intelligence: Shy people do majors that don't require a lot of communication, computer science. Explain Occupational shyness correlate: - Answer- Shy people get lower paying offers Shy people are worse at interviews Shy people turn down promotions Explain relational shyness correlate: - Answer- Shy people are more likely to stay in an unhealthy relationship: Shy people get more involved early on: Shy people usually end up with a non shy person, and conflict comes when the non shy person wants to socialize What are causes of dispositional shyness? - Answer- 1. Genetic

2. Reinforcement models
3. Skills
4. Modeling Explain the three parts of the reinforcement model in causes of dispositional shyness: - Answer- 1. Punishment: shy people get beat up when they talk, so they learn to shut up
5. non-responsiveness: if we talk and no one responds, then we don't get beat up
6. Learned helplessness: can't predict the consequence for something, can't win, so withdraw Explain what "skills" are in the causes of dispositional shyness: - Answer- don't have skills we think we need to have dancing: "don't want to be here" kids learn better skills if they are put in day care Explain "modeling" in the causes of dispositional shyness: - Answer- maybe you're shy because you haven't had good models 1st kids- dating nerve racking because they had no model Explain "Genetics" in the causes of dispositional shyness: - Answer- Identicle twins raised in different homes were found to have the same amount of shyness What are ways to reduce dispositional shyness? (4) - Answer- 1. Behavorial therapy (3)
7. Skills training What are three types of behorial therapies in reducing dispositional shyness? - Answer-
8. Systematic desenitization: getting your mind and body relaxed
9. Cognitive restructuring: you're shy because you have unrealistic beliefs. Therapy trys to alter or change beliefs
10. Visualization: visualize giving a speech and everyone applauds afterwards

Explain skills training in reducing dispositional syness: - Answer- teach people how to talk to people and how to sound interested What are causes of situational shyness? - Answer- A. Conspicuousness: You think everyone is looking at you but they aren't B. Rigid Rules: You know rules too well and you freeze up, impossible to be comfortable C. Labels: What you call something is everything, learn to label things better D. Evaluation: When you feel judged, you feel more shy E. Novelty, Ambiguity: shy in a new situation, first time coming to campus Dark Side Communication: What is relational Communication - Answer- Relationships that are close, more in later stages of coming together Dark side Communication: What are 5 stages of coming together? - Answer- 1. Enduring bonds: people you look forward to seeing

2. Voluntary: choose to be around
3. Attachment: Sense of bonding
4. Provide need fulfillment: inclusion/ affection
5. irreplaceable: really deep What are characteristics of dark side communication? (7) - Answer- 1. dysfunctional: distressing/destructive, ability to make someone unable to function
6. socially deviant: disruptive, rude awkward, annoying
7. exploits innocence: cheating/ take advantage of someone who can't protect themselves
8. The unfulfilled: Breakups/ things that don't happen when people break up
9. The unattractive: shun things we find repulsive/ teasing/rejection
10. Objectification: stalking/sexual coercion Dark Side Communication: Why do woman seek relationships in college? - Answer- 1. Biological concerns: pregnancy
11. Reputational concerns: costs Dark Side Communication: Why do people so friends with benefits? - Answer- Middle of the road less work anything is better than nothing at all Dark Side Communication: What is pluralistic ignorance? - Answer- belief that our private attitudes, beliefs, or judgments are different from the social norm. Do things because you want to be accepted.

Dark Side communication: In what ways do men and woman interpret sexual coercion?

• Answer- Men: sexual Woman: Platonic, spiritual not physical Dark side communication: In what ways does saying no not mean no (2) - Answer- Token resistance: idea that no doesn't mean no Rape myth acceptance: "he/she deserved it" Dark Side communication: Why do people cheat? - Answer- Boredom, lack of emotional support, quality of self, investment, poor communication, quality of alternatives, the 5: ratio for every 1 negative need 5 positives Long distance relationships: Definition, 2 parts - Answer- 1. Distance: simple physical distance

2. Access: equipment, technology vs partner in jail, can't access very well Advantages of long distance relationships: A. personality characteristics B. Positive consequences of LDR's c. Negative consequences of LDR's D. Predictors or Success in LDR's Explain A, Personality characteristics - Answer- 1. sailor on every boat: ability to have multiple relationships in distance
3. High Achiever: Can get more done Advantages of long distance relationships: A. personality characteristics B. Positive consequences of LDR's C. Negative consequences of LDR's D. Predictors of success in LDR's Explain B, Personality characteristics - Answer- 1. more control
4. more personal time
5. more friendships
6. other relationships
7. more partner idealization and "first dates"
8. survival skills, learn skills by yourself Advantages of long distance relationships: A. personality characteristics B. Positive consequences of LDR's C. Negative consequences of LDR's D. Predictors of Success in LDR's Explain C, Personality characteristics - Answer- 1. loneliness: depressed, desire for partner 2.tension: amplified in distance

3.other relationships 4.break-ups: Advantages of long distance relationships: A. personality characteristics B. Positive consequences of LDR's C. Negative consequences of LDR's D. Predictors of success in LDR's Explain D, 1-3 Personality characteristics - Answer- 1. money, traveling is expensive

2. support system: A. family, want family to support partner to support it B. friends: friends need to support to keep you out of harms way
3. Rules A. reciprocity: visit you, visit him B. Fidelity: how loyal you are based on 3 rules
4. never do projects associating with other gender 2.can associate with gender but not in harms way
5. can have relationship with others and see what happens next Advantages of long distance relationships: A. personality characteristics B. Positive consequences of LDR's C. Negative consequences of LDR's D. Predictors of success in LDR's Explain D, 4-8 Personality characteristics - Answer- 4. prior experience: a. with person b. with relationships c. with LDRs
6. shared trajectory: need sense of getting back together again
7. Frequency of visits
8. Sharing: have to share info about yourself regularily
9. talk a. small talk matters b. more intimate info c. technology: more with tech advancement 9: Choice perceptions: when someone chooses not to be around you, it hurts the relationship Self Disclosure What are functions of self disclosure? (8) - Answer- 1. expressive: need to scream
10. seeking validation: think of change, and want someone to agree
11. Clarification: want to work through feelings
12. relationship development
13. information: giving
14. impression management: try to manipulate for something by disclosure
15. Rewards: it feels good to disclose

8. seek advice: most people don't want advice when disclosing Self Disclosure What are ways to judge disclosures? 8 - Answer- 1. honesty 2.accuracy: something honest could be inaccurate
9. depth: deep/surface 4.breadth:broad
10. valiance: positive or negative, trust negative but like positive
11. relevance
12. appropriateness Self Disclosure What are correlates of self disclosure? - Answer- A. Personality B. Behavior C. Enviornment Self Disclosure: Explain personality correlate of self disclosure: - Answer- 1. Shyness- introvert dont disclose as much
13. self-esteem- bad self esteem tell you everything about themselves 3.Gender- no difference in amount of disclosure guys:activity girls: coffee date
14. attractiveness: guys disclose to a less attractive person Self Disclosure: Explain behavioral correlate of self disclosure: - Answer- 1. Dyadic: reciprocate because similar topics
15. Interruptions: if you want one person to talk, you need to shush
16. alcohol: drunk people disclose more Self Disclosure: Explain environment correlate of self disclosure: - Answer- 1. lighting: more disclosure in dim light
17. fewer participants: longer disclosure What are ways to evaluate disclosures: 4 - Answer- 1. timing- disclose too much too fast, too late also freaks people out
18. equity- I disclose as much as you do
19. distinctiveness: like disclosure, we think it's only for us (special relationship)
20. Sex- woman don't disclosure then they are evil men aren't suppose to disclose Self Disclosure: What are ways families disclose? A. Couples B. Children Explain couples: (5) - Answer- 1. Matching: usually similar

2. Why not? don't disclose because she wouldn't understand, and because work/home need to separate
3. satisfaction: depends on gender: mom-good bc get disclosure dad- satisfied with less
4. Relationship length disclosure goes down in a longer relationship
5. working vs @ home more disclosure if both parents work bc more to talk about Self Disclosure: What are ways families disclose? A. Couples B. Children Explain children (4) - Answer- 1. mom and dad/ variable is availability, mom gets it more, evaluate based on topic
6. satisfaction
7. amount discrepancy: parents think they get more disclosures , kids think they give less
8. Parents vs peers Self Disclosure Getting someone to talk more to us, why not disclose - Answer- 1. socialization: some people weren't raised to disclose during social gatherings
9. not rewarded: if punished for what you're saying, stop disclosing
10. Role assignments: 1 person listener, 1 talker mom-listen dad-decision maker
11. power position- dominant dont disclose as much as submissive, ceo-ceo employee- employee Creating Change: Do people like change? - Answer- 1. change is unpredictable- cant guarantee results
12. everyone has to do it- want people to change, but we dont want to
13. people make small changes, so notice:
14. you can only ask for so much, so focus
15. you need to address the fear: assume change means we have to give things up
16. you need to lock in change/ you have to build change so people don't revert back Creating Change: 2 parts - Answer- 1. people want consistency
17. people don't want to be forced, don't push too hard Creating Change: Manipulating messages: 4 parts - Answer- 1. evidence
18. fear appeal
19. wifit
20. organization

Creating change: Manipulation Wifit (what's in it for them) 3 parts - Answer- 1. never assume what turns you on turns them on

2. different people have different wifits
3. when attempting change from a person do it 1 on 1 (privately) Creating Change: Manipulation Fear Appeal - Answer- 2. Fear appeals: the more fear, the more impact. People need to believe it will happen, fear has to give a way out Creating Change: Manipulation Evidence - Answer- 1. evidence: have to understand it, don't need evidence if you have high credibility Creating change: Manipulation Organization 8 parts - Answer- 1. foot in door: ask for something small, get it then ask for something big
4. Door in the face: ask for something large, don't get it, ask for something small, get it
5. good news vs bad news: put them in a positive mind, good-bad-good
6. problem vs situation: problem then solution
7. agreement vs disagreement: always start with what you agree with, so it can limit what you disagree on
8. revealing intent: don't reveal intent
9. drawing conclusions: un-involved: draw conclusion for them involved: they draw conclusion
10. Sidedness: 1 sided or 2 sided, should be, my side, other side, here's what's wrong with that Jealousy: Social comparison jealousy Deff Why - Answer- Deff: Want something someone else has Why: 1:negative- if something is negative to you, it will make you jealous 2: Relevant- if you don't care, you won't be jealous
11. Similar- person you are jealous of has to be similar Jealousy: What are consequences of social comparison jealousy? 5 - Answer- 1. degrade the other (makes you feel better to attack someone
12. Happy when they fail
13. Negative self- image (wonder why you fail compared to others
14. Depression and Anxiety
15. Motivation- envy can motivate people to work harder

Social Relations to jealousy: Deff - Answer- threat to your relationship Social Relations to jeaousy: Causes - Answer- 1. loneliness

2. uniqueness- no one has felt this way before/ spend time with someone else, less unique
3. Monogamy
4. Esteem- significant other makes you feel better, then they find someone else
5. Rules- jealous more when rules are violated
6. context- weddings (suppose to stick with you) Social relations to jealousy: Correlates (4) - Answer- 1. self-esteem- low, get more jealous
7. self-esteem dependence- depend on significant others opinions
8. locus of control- external (get more jealous) internal (know how to control jealousy
9. Sex- girls are more likely to use jealousy to manipulate boys- externalize jealousy- wrong with others girls- internal- wrong with me Social relations to jealousy: Response to jealousy (8) - Answer- 1. express your feelings- use the how would you feel
10. express only negative jealousy
11. denial and distancing- I'm not jealous
12. violence and threats
13. surveillance- stalking person
14. compensate- do something to make up jealousy
15. manipulate attempts- manipulate to feel better
16. derogate and confront rival- confront person social relations to jealous: coping with jealousy/ self related responses (5) - Answer- 1. acknowledge your feelings, but
17. use considerable restraint ( you could be wrong) a. delay response b. soften response c. reassure person d. identify expectation
18. specify behaviors that bug you, what bothers you, and what bothers them
19. jealousy contract
20. reduce others dependency- convince partner that they are wonderful so that they don't depend on you Jealousy: Affairs: What's an affair - Answer- sexual- emotional physical- non physical- phone internet Jealousy: Why do people have affairs? - Answer- 1. increase rewards- feels good
21. increase self reward
22. test relationship- not sure if good for eachother

Jealousy: How do affairs happen? - Answer- 34% men, 24% woman engage in affairs woman are having more affairs- more opportunity, changing beliefs Jealousy: what are gender differences in affairs? - Answer- men- sexual dissatisfaction woman- emotional dissatisfaction Jealousy: What are ways to cope with affairs after getting caught - Answer- 1. justification

2. excuse
3. apology Relational control: What are principles of control: 5 - Answer- 1. least interest
4. Alternatives
5. Resource Control
6. Scarcity
7. Rewards Explain Least Interest in principles of control - Answer- the more you care, the dumber you are. When you don't need something, you have more control. If you're significant other doesn't care much but you do, the other has more control Explain Alternatives in principles of control - Answer- the more choices you have, the more control you have. If you are their only choice, they have power over you. Explain Resource control in principles of control - Answer- more resources, mean more control. Like money. If your significant other has more money, they have more control over you. Explain scarcity in principles of control - Answer- scarce things are valued more then non scarce things. if you have something they don't have, it gives you more control Explain rewards in principles of control - Answer- the person who controls the reward has more power. If you withhold rewards, you control the person